


I've Had My Adventure (I Don't Need Something New)

by Tired_And_Uninspired



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Jay is in trouble and also Denial, M/M, Time Travel Fix-It, updates on tuesday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 28,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21651310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tired_And_Uninspired/pseuds/Tired_And_Uninspired
Summary: Jay Merrick wakes up in a bed he thinks burned down years ago.It's a chance to make things right, but can he manage not to drag his friends down an even darker path?
Relationships: Jay Merrick/Timothy "Tim" Wright
Comments: 216
Kudos: 309





	1. Wake Up (Can You Smell the Fear?)

Jay wakes up.

This is, in and of itself, completely impossible. Maybe.

_God,_ it's bright. He pulls the pillow over his face and lays there for a minute, contemplating. That dream had been... weird as hell. For a second, he thought he'd actually died.

_(How observant of you.)_

After a bit of just laying there and blocking out the sun with his pillow, Jay decides it's probably time to get up and face the day. There's no use laying in bed, thinking about some too-real nightmare all day.

Before he can actually follow through with his plan, the phone on his bedside table lets out a shrill beep. It's a text from Alex

_Alex 10:43 AM_   
_Hey, you still coming to help_   
_with auditions?_

Shit. Auditions? What day is it? As a matter of fact, what _year_ is it?

_Jesus- 2006?_

His phone _beeps_ again.

_Alex 10:45 AM_   
_Just let me know if you're not._   
_I need to know._

Jay contemplates going for all of five seconds, but this situation is a bit too weird for him to care much about Alex's auditions. 

(He knows he'll feel guilty about it later when this all turns out to be leftover paranoia from some stupid nightmare).

_Jay 10:46 AM_   
_im not sure thatd be a good idea_   
_think i might be coming down with_   
_something and i dont want to get_   
_anybody sick_

  
_Alex 10:47 AM_   
_Good call. I'd rather you didn't get_   
_any potential cast sick either._

He waits a minute for the inevitable follow-up.

_Alex 10:49 AM_   
_Do you need me to bring anything?_   
_I can reschedule the casting call._

Jay huffs. Same old Alex.

_(No it's not,_ says a voice, _he stopped being Alex years ago.)_

  
_Jay 10:49 AM_   
_nah im good thanks though_

  
_Alex 10:50 AM_   
_You'll let me know if that changes?_

  
_Jay 10:50 AM_   
_yes ill let you know_

  
_Alex 10:50 AM_   
_You do that. I'll be by to check on_   
_you later._

  
_Jay 10:51 AM_   
_yeah alright just get your_   
_casting room set up before_   
_somebody shows up to audition_

  
_Alex 10:51 AM_   
_I will. Don't do anything stupid._

Jay doesn't bother responding to that, opting instead to drop his phone onto the covers and begin the search for clean clothes. How long's it been since he did laundry? A week or two? There should still be something clean to wear.

_(That's not right. There's a pile of clothes folded on the desk. If they were dirty they wouldn't be there.)_

He manages to dig up a pair of jeans and (surprise, surprise) a forest-green hoodie.

_(It's the middle of summer, way too hot to be wearing that. But why is it so cold?)_

The shoes by the front door slip on easily and he's out to the car within a few minutes. Jay doesn't have any particular destination in mind, just somewhere he can think-- quiet and a bit isolated.

Not.

Not Rosswood, though. After a dream like that, Jay isn't sure he could handle that trip for long.

Or maybe he just wouldn't be able to handle that trip in general.

Aimless driving brings him to an empty parking lot. The door to the building (whatever it may be) has a bright red "closed" sign hanging on the inside.

The scent of cigarette smoke hits him and, for a second, he thinks it's Tim--

(Who isn't real.)

\-- but it's not. The smell fades as fast as it appears, leaving Jay feeling slightly empty and confused. 

He's never met a person named Tim, let alone one that smokes. Last night's dream really must have messed him up.

_(There's a loud_ BANG _and the burning pain of a bullet tearing through your side. Alex had done exactly what he said he would and yet, somehow, you're surprised.)_

What a strange dream to have anyway.

_(It doesn't feel any better, trying to convince yourself none of it happened. Somehow it feels wrong to ignore.)_

Jay read once that eating certain foods can give a person weird dreams. He struggles for a moment to remember what he ate before bed last night, but to no avail.

The only things he can remember are from--

_(Last night.)_

\-- the dream. Some things are more clear than others; the tapes, the man without a face, the masks, the college.

Other parts are blurry though, almost like, well, a dream. He remembers most of it, the only really unclear parts being after he got shot.

_(Or the times you lost your memory.)_

There's a _beep_ from his phone on the passenger seat.

_Alex 12:30 PM_   
_I don't think anybody is showing up._

12:30. Has it really been that long?

  
_Jay 12:31 PM_   
_why not wait until the end_   
_maybe some people just don't_   
_have time until later_

  
_Alex 12:31 PM_   
_You're right, I guess. It just kind of feels_   
_like nobody is interested._

Which is because they're not. Jay isn't going to tell Alex that though, his friend deserves a chance to _try_ with this movie-- it's all he's talked about since they became friends. 

_"I'm making a movie,"_ he'd say, _"and it'll be so good I'll never have to work again!"_

Jay thinks that dream may have shifted some. He's not sure Alex cares much for the money anymore so much as the idea of turning something he's dreamed of for so long into something real.

_Jay 12:33 PM_   
_just give it a bit somebody_   
_has to show up._

  
_Alex 12:33 PM_   
_How do you always know what to say?_   
_What happened to awkward, "stutters_   
_through hello" Jay?_

  
_Jay 12:34 PM_   
_ive known you long enough that_   
_if i didnt know how to make you_   
_feel better id be disappointed_

  
_Alex 12:35 PM_   
_Just because you said that I'm going_   
_to be upset again._

_Alex 12:35 PM_   
_Brian is here to audition. I'll see you later?_

Jay smiles. He knows Alex and Brian are fond of each other (and, no matter what he's heard the girls in art say, it's completely platonic). It's good to know somebody's out there helping to support this awful movie.

_Jay 12:36 PM_   
_later_

  
It's another few hours of staring at empty buildings and driving aimlessly around before Jay decides to make his way home. He sees Alex's car parked across the street and huffs. Alex always has been a worrier.

As soon as the door opens, he hears what he imagines a mother bear would sound like if she could speak.

"I thought you were sick?"

"I said I thought I was sick," Jay corrects. "I was wrong. Just needed some fresh air."

Alex rolls his eyes but doesn't continue the topic. Instead, he sits down and pats the spot next to him. "You wanna watch the auditions with me?" he grins.

Jay takes a seat and looks at the paused screen. "How many people showed up?"

"Only two."

That's not a lot. Jay isn't really sure how Alex is planning on making a _whole_ movie with only two people on camera, but maybe he's missing something.

The video starts with a smiling Brian, trying not to look too awkwardly at the camera. He reads his lines and makes sure to look where Jay is sure Alex's eyes were. Brian is good about making eye contact with people. He can almost imagine Alex's uncomfortable glances off to the side.

_(Never enjoyed looking straight at you, huh?)_

Jay freezes when the next name is spoken.

Tim.

_(Is it still a coincidence? Still a bad dream?)_

The man who shuffles his way into view is different than the one Jay's dreamt of, but not different enough that he can't immediately recognize him.

_(Am I real enough for you, Jay?)_


	2. Take a Deep Breath (and You'll Make it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you know something's real, and sometimes you know it's fake.
> 
> Jay knows neither.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jay's middle name is Thomas now and you can't stop me

Static sounds in his ears.

_(Are you going to panic? Do you have time?)_

Tim reads his lines, stiff and uncomfortable on the tiny screen, but all Jay can think is that he knows this man.

_(You do. You know him well.)_

A hysterical laugh bubbles out from him. He knows Alex is giving him a concerned look, waiting for an explanation, but this is just so damn unreal.

The static increases in volume, revealing hushed voices within it's depths.

 _Shut up!_ His hands tug at the roots of his hair. _Shutupshutupshutupshutup-_

The voices go silent. They're still there in the background, waiting for an invitation to come back. 

Jay doesn't _want_ them back, though. Ever. He _wants_ an explanation. Preferably from somebody who knows _what the hell is going on_.

As the minutes pass, he can feel his grip start to release. Eventually, he allows his head to drop and his shoulders to slump forward.

"Jay?" Alex sounds hesitant. Worried.

"Yeah?"

"What was _that_?"

 _Good question_ , Jay thinks. He doesn't answer, just shrugs absentmindedly and rubs at his temples. The static increases in volume again. It's not loud enough to overwhelm, but enough to remind him it's there.

Ignore it. It's not real. If he doesn't acknowledge it, it's not real.

Alex must have been calling for him again because his friend looks about ready to call 9-1-1 or race off to the nearest hospital with Jay in tow.

"'M fine," a bald-faced lie (but apparently he's got a thing for those). "Just a bad headache."

He can tell Alex doesn't buy it for a second, too aware of Jay's usual headaches and illnesses to fall for something so obvious. In fact, he opens his mouth to say exactly that before getting cut off.

"Promise," Jay's smile is strained. Tired. "I'm fine."

" _Jay Thomas Merrick_ -"

"Alright. I'm _not_ fine, but I _will_ be. Is that better?"

Alex narrows his eyes, holding Jay's gaze--

_(Funny how the only time he'll make eye contact is when he's scolding you, isn't it?)_

\-- for what could be anywhere from a few seconds to a few hours. Eventually, his face softens and he sighs. "Get some sleep?"

"It's only," Jay looks at the clock, "3:30. I'd wake up at midnight and be up until tomorrow morning."

"I didn't mean a full _eight hours_ ," Alex huffs. "That'd be ridiculous. Take a nap."

"Yeah. I'll take a nap." Obviously, he isn't _actually_ going to take a nap. Too much to think about, too much to do.

_(Liar.)_

Alex grabs his stuff, making his way out the door. "I swear to God, Jay," he says, "if you don't take care of yourself I'll come back over here and we will be having the world's longest sleepover."

"Sounds fun," Jay smiles.

"Yeah. For _me_."

He goes to walk Alex out the door but is shoved back onto the couch before he can get up fully. "Lay down and stay down, you walking health-risk."

He lays there, smiling gently at Alex, until he hears the door shut.

The smile drops from his face. "Okay," he mumbles. "Okay. _Think, Merrick._ "

What the hell.

There's an explanation for this, he's sure. Not time travel, though. Or prophetic dreams. Maybe he saw Tim once on campus, ran into him somewhere and forgot about it.

That happens to people, right?

Yeah. He's seen articles just. Floating around. Nobody in your dreams is made up, they're all people you've passed on the street and you just don't remember.

But-

On the off-chance this _is_ real, not some weird coincidence, is he willing to take that risk? Is he willing to sit down and let the events play out?

He needs to think. Take a deep breath.

Jay shuts his eyes tightly and breathes. In. Out.

In. Out.

Okay. What does he know so far? He had a weird dream and there was somebody in it that he didn't know in real life. When he woke up, he drove around for a while, walked a bit. Thought about things. He... got home and Alex was there. They watched the auditions together and.

Ah.

Tim was there. Tim Wright, who Jay shouldn't know exists, showed up on that tiny little screen and made a joke about the fact that he smoked. Like the Tim in Jay's dream.

Now, one thing is a coincidence. Maybe Jay had just passed Tim in the hall a couple of times, whatever. But _two_ things. Tim. A Tim who smokes and who Alex wants to grow facial hair of some kind.

Jay still isn't entirely convinced this is real, no way, but he feels like, on the off-chance it is, he should have some kind of plan. 

A plan for what, though? Stopping the _thing_? What's he gonna do, yell at it?

Maybe a plan to get Alex to stop production early? Tim had seem convinced the real reason everybody had become... infected... was because he had brought the thing with him. So. 

Get Tim and Alex to stay away from each other. 

What about everybody else, though? Brian and Sarah and--

_Jessica._

His breath catches in his chest. He never found out what really happened to Jessica.

_(Tim knew, didn't he? Why wouldn't he tell you?)_

She must have--

Jay refuses to continue that train of thought.

Jessica isn't real. This whole, _stupid_ dream isn't real.

He's not going to make his best friend stop production on his dream movie because there's a chance, not even a _big_ chance, that he managed to have some kind of prophetic dream.

That's stupid.

That would be stupid.

No. Unless that _thing itself_ shows up to tell him it was real, he's not gonna do anything. At all. 

Except maybe take Alex's advice and sleep. Jay knows he makes bad decisions when he's tired and maybe a nap will help him figure out what's real and what's not. 

Or, at least, help him stop questioning whether or not he's right.

_(How many times are you going to go down this path? How many times are you going to lie to yourself?)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally could not think of a good thing for alex to say as he left so y'all have the sleepover dialogue
> 
> also. can you tell i like italics? because i do


	3. Get Closer (Fall Farther)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay is a mess. Luckily, he's got a good friend or two.

Jay ends up sleeping all the way until seven the next morning. Apparently hours-long freakouts kind of tire you out.

Who knew?

He's got a text from Alex when he checks his phone.

_Alex 6:32 AM_  
_Wanted to walk the crew around some of the filming locations._  
_We're meeting at the park around 10 if you're feeling up to It._

_Jay 7:13 AM_  
_yeah im feeling better ill see you there_

He takes a shower before leaving and doesn't bother drying his hair, instead, he figures the wind will dry it as he drives.

Despite it only being about eight, Jay decides he should leave. They'll be walking around the park with the tower in it today, getting the cast ready for when Alex starts up filming, and he wants the opportunity to take a look around first.

Traffic isn't... awful... at this time of day. It could be worse, Jay figures, but it's still too slow for his liking. The majority of the drive is spent tapping his fingers irritably against the steering wheel and yelling at people who don't know how to obey basic traffic laws.

The park, though, is fairly empty. Midweek and early in the morning is a good time to go if you want to be alone.

He sets the alarm on his phone for 9:40, which gives him forty minutes to walk around and twenty minutes to make his way back.

Obviously, the park looks exactly like it had when Jay had gone location scouting with Alex. No tall men in suits to be found.

_(Not sure what you were expecting.)_

The tower is in the exact same spot, just as rusty as it was with--

_(Tim.)_

\-- Alex.

There's nothing around the outside; nobody in weird clothes, no tapes, no papers. Nothing. The inside yields much of the same nothingness, empty save all the broken pieces and dirt.

_(What a waste of time.)_

What had he been expecting? The guy in the suit? A tape that, even if the dream _had_ been real, wouldn't exist yet?

He feels like an idiot. Running around the woods, alone, looking for things from a _nightmare_ like he's _five._

The walk back to the parking lot passes much the same way the walk to the tower had; the loud sounds of his own footsteps echoing through the trees, animals making noise in the background. The same.

Alex and Brian are both already waiting by his car, but Jay can smell cigarette smoke and figures Tim is somewhere nearby.

"Jay," says Alex, "there you are! We saw your car, but you weren't around."

The unspoken _I was worried_ makes Jay feel a little guilty. "Just wanted to make sure I remembered where we were going."

He knows there's about to be a fuss made because Alex tends to scrunch up his nose before he starts lecturing people and it's exactly what he's doing now. Before any proper lecturing can start, though, Tim walks around from the other side of Brian's car. He tenses when he sees Jay, staring for a long moment. He looks... almost relieved? Confused? Jay isn't sure.

Brian sees the two of them staring at each other and decides introductions are in order. "Tim," he says, wrapping an arm around Tim's shoulders, "this is my buddy, Jay. Jay, Tim."

Jay waves awkwardly, not entirely sure how to confront the literal man of his dreams. Tim doesn't wave back, but he _does_ nod in acknowledgment.

Seth and Sarah show up eventually and introductions are made before they all head into the forest.

Throughout the walk, Jay can feel eyes on him. He doesn't know who's, but he knows somebody is watching him. Probably not Brian, considering they've met before and he wouldn't have a reason to stare at Jay. Seth and Sarah are out, too, because he can hear them talking excitedly about some show they watched last night. Alex is in front of Jay, acting as the group's guide.

That leaves Tim. 

Now, Jay doesn't know what Tim's problem with him is, but the staring is weird. Most people don't just hate him on the spot, it usually takes a few months, but, for some unknown reason, Tim's taken an immediate dislike to Jay.

He barely hears anything Alex says throughout their walk, too busy trying to figure out _what the hell Tim's problem is._

_(You know.)_

Even by the time they're all at their cars and ready to go, Jay hasn't figured it out. Did he do something to Tim and he just can't remember? Maybe Tim just hates everybody? But, then, why isn't he letting up on Jay to glare daggers at Seth, Sarah, and Alex?

He can't think of a good reason, and it's kind of pissing him off. 

_What is this guy's deal?_

"-- Catch a ride with Jay."

_Huh?_

And (surprise, surprise) it's Tim, apparently claiming he's going to get a ride home from Jay. _As if_. He tries to make this clear by vigorously shaking his head "no" at Brian, but it's obviously not working because he just smirks and gets in his car.

The others clear out, too, leaving Jay and Tim alone in the parking lot (save a few joggers getting ready to go). 

Jay goes to ask what's been up with Tim today but is beat to it. 

"I know you," Tim says. 

"Yeah," Jay agrees easily, "Brian introduced us."

"Don't--" Tim groans, frustrated, "-- don't play dumb with me. I'm talking about _before."_

"We've never met before." 

_(But, you have, haven't you?)_

Oh.

_Oh._

"The man in the suit," breathes Jay, "You know about the man in the suit and Alex--"

"Shit--"

"--Which means it wasn't a dream, right?"

"You got shot," Tim says. 

"I got shot."

 _"God_ , Jay, you absolute _idiot_." Before Jay can ask what that's supposed to mean, Tim's pulled him into a tight hug. "Went and got yourself fuckin' _shot._ The hell were you thinking?"

"Not a lot," Jay jokes, bringing his hands up to rest on Tim's back.

"Not a whole damn lot," agrees Tim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. I haven't slept in like. the last week. 
> 
> I am running purely on self-hatred and spite.


	4. Don't Forget (or You'll Lose it All)

They stand in the parking lot, holding each other, for what seems like hours. Jay can't bring himself to let go and Tim seems to be in agreement because his grip remains steady throughout the hug.

Eventually, though, they have to let go.

Tim pulls back first, holding Jay at arm's length. He looks almost scared, like maybe he thinks this is a dream or some kind of illusion. "You're really here?" he asks, "This isn't-- you're real?"

"Yeah," Jay grabs the hands on his shoulders. "I'm real."

For a moment, Jay is worried Tim is going to break down and cry, but the other man composes himself relatively quickly.

"Okay," Tim says, "if this is all real, that means we need to stop it. I can't-- _we_ can't go through that all again, Jay."

"Yeah," Jay's voice catches in his throat, memories of bleeding out flash in his mind. "I can't, um, I can't do that either. But, _how_?"

"Kill the damned thing."

Which, it isn't much of a plan. Kill it with _what_ , exactly? Can normal weapons even kill it? A knife? A-- 

_(Shake it off, Merrick.)_

If that thing drove them all so insane without even touching them, how would they kill it?

_(Where there's a will there's a way, right?)_

He shakes his head, trying to get the voice to shut up for a minute, he needs to think. 

_Kill it. Kill it how?_

_(Stab it, burn it, shoot-)_

_Shut up!_ Jay tugs at a strand of hair, hissing at himself. _Shut up, shut up, shut--_

"Jay?" Tim sounds hesitant, worried.

Jay hums absentmindedly, still tugging at the hair.

"Are you-- What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he forces himself to relax, turning his most innocent gaze to Tim. "I'm fine."

"Bullshit," there haven't been many times Jay has heard Tim sound so frustrated, every time has been because of something Jay's done. "Don't _lie_ to me, Jay. We're in this together and I need to know-- I worry about you."

"Really," Jay insists, "I'm fine. Alex is expecting us back at his place, we should go." He goes to make his way into the car, but Tim stops him. 

"I'll drive."

"Yeah," he hands the keys to Tim, too _tired-confused-numb_ to argue much about it. It's been a long couple of days.

In the passenger seat, Jay leans his head against the window and watches the scenery pass by. Neither he or Tim really attempt to talk, but he can feel the worried looks from the driver side of the car. It's not that Tim's concern is unwarranted, Jay knows. He's hearing voices, apparently, and that's definitely a cause for concern. 

_(Is it? Am I really such a concern?)_

_Yes,_ Jay thinks back angrily.

_(How so?)_

He doesn't bother with a response. Acknowledging the voice probably makes him seem much less sane. If he ignores it, maybe it'll go away.

_(Not for long.)_

Before he knows it, the car pulls to a stop across the street from Alex's house. Jay hears Tim pull the keys out of the ignition, but neither of them moves to leave the car.

"Jay--"

He smiles as best he can, though it feels more like a grimace. "I promise, I'll be fine."

"So you're not fine?"

Tim has always been able to pick up on weird wording. 

"Not really," Jay admits, "I've-- I thought this was all a dream until you asked about it. I'm kind of freaking out."

_(Lying now?)_

"But you will be fine, right?"

And that's the million dollar question, isn't it? _Will_ he be fine? There's no way to know for sure because Jay hasn't learned this new "fine" yet. Things have been different since he woke up yesterday and there just hasn't been time to figure out what's going to be normal for him now, what he's going to be able to deal with on his own and what he's going to need to ask Tim to help with. He wants to think he'll be okay, wants to think everything will work itself out without needing to cave and ask for some support, but he has a feeling that isn't going to be the case. 

_(You always were rather weak.)_

Jay is snapped out of his thoughts when Tim waves a hand in front of his face. 

"Yeah," he tries to smile again. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! Hello!!! This chapter is. Much shorter than usual and I'm sorry but? I've been staring at it for a couple of weeks now and I really can't seem to add to it anymore. So!! Sorry for the delay in updating until now!! I'm going to do my best to stick to the Monday Updates schedule from now on, but winter break is coming to an end in a couple of weeks so things might get a bit more difficult on that front.  
> Wonderful to see y'all again!!


	5. Blood on Your Hands (it Stains the Carpet Red)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay has some issues and, really, don't we all?

Alex's house is cooler than outside. Barely, but enough that it's noticeable. Jay can hear voices in the other room, Alex and Brian and Seth and Sarah, laughing. The voices pause when Jay announces their arrival, coming back soon after to greet both of them.

The couches in the living room are mostly full, taken up by the group already there, leaving only two spots open on one of the couches. Jay and Tim both take their seats next to each other and the group continues where it left off.

"-- and so I tell him, I say, 'you can't do that, it's illegal,' and he looks at me and says, 'anything is legal if you're not a little bitch.' I live by those words." Brian had obviously been in the middle of a story when Tim had finally let up on his worrying and followed Jay inside. He turns to the two of them after he's finished telling it and grins mischievously. "I didn't know you two knew each other."

"We don't," says Jay.

"Yeah," Tim says at the same time.

They look at each other, unsure what to say. Jay can see from the corner of his eye that both Alex and Sarah look rather suspicious at the contradicting answers, but neither says anything. 

Tim speaks before Jay can and says, "Well, yes and no. We ran into each other on campus a while back so I recognized him, but we don't really know each other."

This eases everybody's suspicion but Alex's who continues to stare at the two of them without speaking.

Brian, Seth, and Sarah all start up an easy-sounding conversation and try to drag Jay and Tim into it. Tim does a fairly good job of pretending to be invested, but Jay can only return Alex's stare. 

Part of him is scared now that he knows none of it was a dream. What if they're already too late to save Alex, too late to save anybody? Maybe they're stuck in some never ending loop where they have to relive the same events over and over, unable to change anything. Jay can't imagine anything worse than that, being a witness to the same crime over and over and over again. He couldn't do it. There's something, though, in Alex's eyes that tells him they still have time. That spark of protective worry he didn't have while he and Jay chased each other around in circles is still there. Alex is still Alex for now, still ready to protect his friends at a moment's notice. Jay feels relieved.

_(He thought killing everybody would protect them, what makes this Alex any different?)_

The voice has a point, Jay knows, but he shakes his head to clear it. No reason to listen to something that isn't real. Just some manifestation of his own anxieties. Alex is fine, they can save him. 

He shakes his head again as the ever-present static gets louder. Louder. _Louder_. Unyielding in it's intensity. There's voices in it-- some he recognizes and some he doesn't. Jessica's is the most clear, begging for answers and help and to have never met him. One voice calls itself a god, another says it's something more. 

Jay is doubled over on the couch, hands covering his ears and eyes screwed shut. The voices of his friends-- the ones that are _here_ and _now_ \-- call out to him, but he can't make out what they're saying. Somebody is screaming and Jay doesn't know if it's him or somebody else. Coughs wrack his frame and he can feel something wet leave his mouth with each spasm. It tastes like copper and he knows it's blood. 

Everything is even more confusing now, _loud_ and _bright_ and _strange_. He's at the college, bleeding from a gunshot wound. He's in Alex's living room, hearing voices. He's in a motel room, bent over the sink. He's nowhere and everywhere all at once, but he isn't sure which scene is real.

The voice that gets through to him first is Sarah. She sounds calm, voice steady and level, and it helps guide him away from wherever he's at in his head. She continues speaking, though Jay still can't quite make out the words, and the static gets quieter as she does.

"You're doing great," he hears finally, "I'm going to touch you now, is that alright?"

Jay nods jerkily and barely holds back from flinching when something cold touches his face. A wash cloth, he thinks, probably for wiping away the blood.

There's a presence beside him that Jay recognizes as Tim. The nervous energy coming from him is obvious and Jay knows he wants to take over from Sarah. Tim has never been overly concerned about treating Jay's injuries, but he was also the only one ever there to treat them. It must be odd, Jay thinks, to be so used to helping and then to be shoved to the side like that. He wants to apologize for it, let Tim know that he's still the only person Jay really trusts (which, even that's rather iffy after all that happened), but, when he tries to open his eyes, everything is still too bright for him to focus.

Sarah is still talking and Jay tries to focus himself back on that, but the words keep slipping away from him. He hears them, but there's no meaning to them. The wash cloth is pulled away for good this time and he feels Sarah try to coax his hands away from his hair (when did they get there? Weren't they covering his ears a second ago?). She succeeds in that task and starts running a hand through his hair to soothe the spots he'd been pulling at.

"-- should get him to the hospital," Alex says from somewhere to Jay's left.

"I'll--"

The voices cut out again for a minute.

"Calm down," Sarah reprimands when his hearing comes back. "Arguing with each other isn't going to do anything. Somebody needs to take him to the hospital and if the two of you can't decide like adults Seth and I can do it."

A mumble from the corner where Seth must be is the only response Jay can really make out. He doesn't really want Sarah and Seth to take him _anywhere,_ he wants _Tim_ to take him _home_. Tim is the most familiar person right now and Jay doesn't care about how pathetic he feels for thinking that because right now he's tired and hurt and he just wants to go home and sleep for a year. When he tries to protest though, all that comes out is a pained groan. Sarah shushes him and smooths a hand through his hair again. Her voice is soft and, eventually, Jay is lulled into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why does jay keep passing out, you ask? idk bc i want him to ig.
> 
> highkey i forgot today was monday until a little bit ago so. this is rushed. they're all rushed actually, but. yknow.
> 
> See you next week!!


	6. Can't Teach an Old Dog (Can't Heal an Old Wound)

Tim paces, agitated, across the living room floor of his house. Alex had thrown one hell of a fit about Tim taking Jay to the hospital and Tim had yelled right back at him resulting in a loss from both sides. Sarah, Seth, and Brian had been the ones to take him, making sure to send disapproving looks at both he and Alex on their way out. 

After the three of them had left with Jay in tow, Alex and Tim had started at each other's throats once again. They argued back and forth for what must have been at least a couple of hours, _your fault_ this and _don't blame me for your bullshit_ that. Back and forth and back and forth. Eventually they both had to go their separate ways-- Tim knew if he didn't leave then somebody'd end up with a black eye-- and Tim walked back to his own house. The walk had been... long, but the fresh air had calmed his nerves somewhat.

Now, though, Tim knows Jay is at home and he's starting to feel anxious again. Every second that passes without a word from Jay throws Tim for a loop; his breath catches with every slight noise from the phone he clutches in his hand, hope blooms for a second only the die down when it turns out to be another text from Brian. 

He feels guilty, worrying Brian like this, but it's overwhelmed by the absolute fear he feels when he thinks of Jay being by himself. Tim considers texting back and letting Brian know he's doing alright, but his hand always seems to freeze in the middle of typing. He's _not_ okay, not in the least, and he can't bring himself to lie to a friend after--

After.

A glance at the clock tells him its almost noon. He can't stand the waiting anymore and grabs his keys from the counter. 

The drive to Jay's apartment consists of a lot of _tap, tap, tapping_ against the steering wheel and flinching at the text notification sound. When the building comes into sight Tim breathes a loud sigh of relief. He thinks if he had to drive for much longer he would have screamed or wrecked the damn car. Both, maybe.

A woman bringing in a bag of groceries points him in Jay's direction. Tim thanks her and makes his way to the right door. He hesitates for a moment.

Will Jay even _want_ to see him? Tim doesn't think he's done anything since they woke up here, but he keeps waiting for Jay to remember Tim had been the reason for his death. Sure, he may not have pulled the trigger, but he hadn't-- he had _lied_ to Jay, lied to him and left him at the mercy of Bria-- the guy-- TTA.

Jay isn't there to answer the question, though, or tell Tim to leave. He can tell Tim to fuck right off if he wants to, but he has to do it himself.

Tim can't remember his original reason for learning to pick locks-- probably something to do with the hospital and not wanting to be locked up again-- but he thanks his past self for it now. The lock on Jay's apartment door is cheap and he gets in on the second try. As he watches it swing open, he questions himself again. Maybe Jay is ignoring him on purpose. Maybe he doesn't want to see Tim ever again and can't even say it face-to-face because he's just so angry.

Maybe he's _hurt._

The thought of Jay being injured again or coughing up blood like he was last night send Tim practically _running_ into the apartment. There are only two doors-- a bathroom and a bedroom, he assumes-- but he's not sure which one Jay is behind. He doesn't hear anything, no coughs or cries of pain, but there's a fan running in the room on the left. Tim looks inside and finds Jay.

He looks exhausted, even in sleep. He's tense and twitches sometimes like he's getting ready to run from someone-- some _thing_. Tim walks closer and shakes Jay's shoulder gently. He's expecting Jay to jump, flinch back but relax once he realizes who it is that woke him up, but that's not what happens.

Jay does jump and he does flinch away from Tim, but he doesn't seem to realize that it's Tim here waking him up. he doesn't say anything, just stares warily for a moment.

Tim doesn't say anything. He holds his hands up in surrender and waits. They've had days like this before ( _will_ have days like this?) and he knows Jay only needs a minute to reorient himself. 

Eventually, of course, Jay relaxes. He looks almost relieved to see Tim here in his room. 

"You're here," says Jay.

"I'm here."

Jay goes to say something else, but Tim freezes in horror before he can register the words.

There's _blood_. All over Jay's clothes and the bed and some, even, on the floor. 

"What the hell happened?" Tim cuts Jay off mid-sentence. He gets a vaguely confused look in response before Jay follows his stare to the bloodstain on the shirt.

"Ah," Jay says. "That."

"Yes, that. What the hell, Jay?"

Jay fiddles with the hem of his shirt, avoiding Tim's worried gaze. "Nothing important-- nothing I can't deal with."

"No," Tim snaps, "we're not doing this again. No more secrets, Jay, especially if you're _hurt_."

"Okay," Jay makes eye contact for all of two seconds before looking away again. "You can't freak out, though."

Tim hesitates to make any promises on that front. He doesn't want to lie to Jay in case he does freak out, but he doesn't want to be left in the dark either. "I'll do my best," he says. It's the best Jay will be getting from him and the most honest he can be about his reaction. 

Jay nods and pulls up the bottom of his shirt. For a second, Tim is confused about what _exactly_ he's seeing. Bandages wrap themselves around Jay, starting at some point below the waistline of his pants and going upwards. One section of them is bloodier than the rest-- the injury, Tim assumes-- and appears to be covered in even more bandages. 

"The, uh--" Jay drops his shirt and studies the far wall once again. "The bullet wound. It's still there. I tried to stop the bleeding, but nothing-- I stitched it closed and blacked out partway through. When I woke up, it was open again. I, um, I don't think the doctors saw it? They didn't say anything, at least."

That's... a lot of information for Tim to process. Jay is still bleeding from a bullet that hasn't even been shot yet and doesn't know how to fix it.

"Don't--" Jay says, reading the look on Tim's face, "--don't worry about it too much. We need to focus on getting rid of that _thing_. If I'm still not dead by then, we can look into it."

"I can't _not_ look into this. I can't just leave this alone, Jay. Don't-- don't ask me to. Please."

But Jay's expression doesn't waver. "You have to promise," he holds out a hand for Tim to shake. "Don't look into fixing this. We kill the thing, we move on. If I'm still alive, then we figure it out."

Tim takes Jay's hand in his own and shakes once, never breaking eye contact.

A promise doesn't count if your fingers are crossed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy!! sorry this update is late sxnchs yesterday was the first day back at school and i wore myself out. a lot. also. i think i might be getting sick. sucks to suck ig
> 
> hopefully i'll be able to properly explain what's going on with Jay's oof-ouch later? im not entirely sure myself, but it was something i wanted to include before i even started planning this fic out fully.
> 
> also. jay will continue to get fucked up bc i love him and i show my appreciation by causing him pain apparently.


	7. Paintings on the Wall (Don't They See It All)

Jay kicks Tim out. Not because he doesn't want the company, it's nice not feeling alone, but because he was tired of the worrying. He doesn't-- he isn't sure how he knows, gut instinct or previous experience, but this bullet wound isn't going to kill him. Not yet, at least. Despite the illogicity of it, jay knows he still has a few months before it becomes an actual problem of any kind, before he-- well. No point in worrying about the inevitable. 

As he continues wandering around the kitchen, Jay's mind wanders back to Tim. It's weird having somebody care for him so much. Friends and family had never cared quite that much-- they still cared, Jay thinks, but not the same way Tim does. Tim cares in a protective, kind of scary way. He cares like it's the one thing he knows how to do-- and maybe it is. Jay remembers first meeting Tim-- when he was asking about Alex-- and thinking he seemed kind of aloof, not particularly friendly. He remembers thinking that for a few meetings afterwards, too. It was only when they started traveling together that Jay remembers thinking Tim was lonely--how could he not be? Tim had lost a lot before he and Jay started working together-- jobs, friends-- and it's a wonder he even spoke to Jay, let alone let himself become attached the way he did. Now, Jay's only ever taken one psychology class- it wasn't his thing-- so maybe this isn't even close to the actual reason, but he thinks maybe Tim didn't have anybody else and somehow-- for some, unknown reson-- decided _Jay_ was a good person to care about. Which, Jay can't say anything on that either-- he's latched himself onto Tim just as quickly and just as strongly.

How does he even begin to describe that relationship? He knows Alex will ask-- Brian and Seth and Sarah too, he's sure-- and they'll want an answer that isn't _I don't know_. How do you descirbe a relationship that just _is_? They're not friends or aquaintacnes-- more than that, somehow-- but he doesn't think they're dating either. He thinks maybe they're just two fools caught in a mess they don't want to be a part of, in too deep to leave but not so deep that they can't imagine the world without this mess, and hopelessly confused by the process. 

Maybe they _are_ dating. Jay's never been good at understanding where he stands with people, never quite understood the not-quite-there signs that he was in a good spot with somebody or if they disliked him, and Tim is no exception. Maybe their relationship is actually really simple and Jay is just overthinking things, making them more complicated than they need to be. Jay's not sure if the overcomplicating things comes from himself as a person or if it's from all that time trying to decipher overly-complicated codes and images. What a habit to have. 

It takes him a minute to realize he's being watched. he can't tell by who just yet, he has a feeling he knows the answer, but he knows someone-- some _thing_ \-- is watching him right now.

Jay looks out each of the windows, one by one, to see what he can make out. Nothing. Nothing. Noth--

He chokes. The voice he'd been studiously ignoring all day calls out to him-- not in fear or worry or anger. It calls out in joy. It screams _thank you_ and _please_ at the top of its lungs, pulling at the reins Jay's kept so tightly on his mind. 

It becomes a game of tug-of-war. Back and forth and back and forth as they both fight for control of the body they inhabit. 

"It's _mine_ ," Jay snarls.

_(It's ours)_

Jay feels himself take a backseat, whatever that voice is becoming front and center. 

"Well," it says, barely above a whisper, "thanks for the ride."

 _(No,_ Jay hisses back, _Cut that out!)_

It doesn't resond and Jay feels himself losing sense of things. How did it keep track of where it was with all of this stuff going on? It shouldn't be this bright. 

His hearing starts to give out, his eyes too. Before he loses everything, though, he hears what sounds like a _chirp_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is,,, short,,, but i am at school,,
> 
> also
> 
> SKULLY SKULLY SKULLY SKULLY


	8. Missing Friends (Ain't Ever Coming Back)

Tim taps his foot against the hardwood floor of brian's parents' house. It's something he's done a million times and something he's sure he'll do a million more times. Most times, the tapping is because of an upcoming test or because Brian's talked him into something he's not entirely sure he wants to do. This time, though, the tapping is because Jay hasn't shown up. 

After Jay kicked him out, Tim had gone to sit in his car for quite a few minutes, staring blankly out the windshield. He hadn't been entirely sure what he had done wrong-- showing up? Pushing a topic he knew was making Jay uncomfortable? He was worried, still is, and doesn't really regret knowing, but he's afraid that may have been why he was kicked out-- but he _did_ know that he couldn't just wait around for Jay to start talking to him again because if he did that then they'd never speak. 

So, he texted Jay.

_Tim 1:00 PM_   
_Alex said there we were running lines later_   
_was wondering if you would show up too_

The response seemed to take forever and a half, but it _did_ come eventually. 

_Jay 1:15 PM_   
_Yeah._

Tim had ignored the bad feeling he had about it and drove to Brian's to meet up with the rest of Marble Hornets' crew.

He can tell Alex is getting frustrated with the way he's tapping his foot and how he barely acknowledges his lines. Every time he's about to get chewed out for it, Brian will put a hand on Alex's shoulder and whisper something Tim neither hears nor cares about. Whatever it is seems to calm Alex temporarily, at least until another ten minutes passes of Tim half-ignoring everybody and the cycle repeats itself. 

Eventually, Alex huffs an annoyed sigh and claps his hands. "Alright," he says, "since _some_ people are having a hard time focusing, I think maybe we need to sit down and get all of our distractions out of the way." He gestures at the couch and waits for everybody to sit down. " _Tim_. Why don't you go first? What's got you so distracted?"

He doesn't want to admit it's Jay because Alex has already been so weird about the whole thing, but he also doesn't want to just _lie_. So, he tells the truth. "Jay said he was going to be here and he hasn't shown up yet is all. I'm just worried."

Brian chuckles a bit and waves his hand dismissively. "Jay's forgetful like that," he says, "he'll show up a couple hours from now covered in mud because he got distracted by a puddle or something."

And maybe that's how Jay was _before_ , Tim doesn't know, but that's certainly not the way Jay is _now_. Jay is paranoid, always focused on his surroundings, and surprisingly aware of the time. Tim can remember asking Jay what time it was and getting told down to the exact second. Apparently it's a more recent skill, though, if everybody else's looks of amusement are anything to go by. 

"I'm serious--"

"So am I," Brian laughs. "Jay gets distracted easily, you'll figure that out once you get to know him a bit more."

Before Tim can start on the topic again, his phone vibrates. He thinks for a moment it's Jay, but when he sees the notification his heart stops.

_1 New Email Notification: To The Ark. Sub. "Have you seen this dog?"_

"Tim?" He barely hears it over the sound of his blood rushing in his ears, but he manages to hum in acknowledgment. 

"Tim, what is it?"

He knows who it _has_ to be, and it _does_ have to be him because both Tim and Brian are _here_ , but saying it makes it true and he doesn't _want_ it to be true. His voice refuses to work, he can't say anything no matter how many times he opens his mouth to try. Finally, he manages to choke out a quiet _Jay._

The screen dims and Tim frantically clicks the notification before it turns off completely. 

There's a picture of somebody who has to be Jay wearing a mask. It doesn't smile or frown like the other two did, but bares its teeth. A threat, Tim assumes. Under the picture there are words. They read;

_Have you seen this dog? 5'7", friendly, comes to the name "Jay." If found, please contact Tim Wright. Reward Available._

There's nothing else, no way to know where exactly they are. Tim can take a guess, sure, but he doesn't know if he wants to risk being _wrong_ and losing Jay. The most obvious choice would be Rosswood, but if it _knows_ he would guess that then there's a chance it would direct Jay somewhere else. 

"Tim!" Brian calls his name and he looks up from his phone. Obviously it's not the first time, but Tim can't remember hearing his name before this. "What the hell do you mean 'Jay?'" Brian asks. 

"Just, um-- an email. From Jay."

"What was it about?" Sarah looks suspicious, but nowhere near as suspicious as Alex. Alex looks like he's ready to make his way over to Tim and snatch the phone from his hands. Instead, Alex grabs his own phone and presses a few buttons before holding it up to his ear. He looks relieved for all of two seconds. "Jay--" Tim doesn't think he's ever heard Alex sound quite so stiff and worried, but now isn't the time to care about what Alex thinks. Tim snatches the phone from Alex's hand and presses it to his own ear. There's heavy breathing on the other end and Tim knows it's this new man in the mask. 

"Who are you?" he asks.

The only response given is a quiet _trill_. It makes no sense to Tim at all-- was that a response from Not-Jay? Was that just noise from the forest? is he even in a forest? there's no way to know for sure-- and so he tries again. " _Who are you_?"

A _chirp_ this time, just as quiet as the last response, then a _click_ as he's hung up on. Tim lets out a quiet swear and tosses the phone onto the couch. He doesn't care anymore who's phone it is, doesn't care what he's supposed to be doing.

The crew yells after him as he runs out the door, but he pays them no mind.

He has to find Jay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont care how realistic any of this is im tired and in college and also gay pls let me have my unrealistic fanfiction


	9. When the Lights Go Out (Who Leads You Home)

Jay wakes up _again_. He's getting tired of passing out and waking up and repeating. He'd like to be awake for the action, just once. Maybe not.

 _The point,_ he thinks-- blatantly ignoring the voice once more-- _is that I'm sleeping way too much._

He decides now is as good a time as any to figure out where he's at and, hopefully, get back home. Or back to Tim. At this point, though, Tim feels more like home than his own house does. Maybe it's because he hasn't even seen his house in years, but something about it feels so _foreign_ \-- like it belongs to a stranger who's _almost_ Jay Merrick but not quite. Tim, though, is steady. He's constant. Even in this strange situation they've found themselves in, they're together.

He's managed to get himself sidetracked again, but it doesn't seem to matter all that much. He's in Rosswood. As much as the park had seemed to change at random, some things were constant. The path from the tunnel back to the parking lot, for example.

Maybe he should be concerned that he's woken up here and can't remember getting there to be waking up in the first place, but most things seem normal anymore and Jay refuses to be surprised by anything. He lets his thoughts wander instead of dwelling on current problems and they wind up back on Tim.

Jay's never considered a _person_ home before. _Home_ has always been a word for a place he lived-- his house, the various hotels he's stayed in-- but that must have changed somewhere. Now when Jay thinks _home_ , he thinks of Tim. He thinks of waking up and seeing Tim asleep in the other bed. Borrowing Tim's jacket when it got too cold for his own, incredibly thin, hoodie. Falling asleep at the computer and waking up in bed. All things he associates with Tim. Things he used to associate with Alex _before_ but different somehow. There's a different feeling to _these_ thoughts than there was with Alex and Jay can't quite put his finger on what it is.

Shared trauma, he supposes.

He sees the glint of cars in the parking lot before he sees the lot itself. As he stumbles out of the thick trees, he thinks he hears a voice whisper _Welcome home_.

There's no time to think about voices, though, because, as soon as Jay's made his way into the parking lot, he's being crushed into a tight hug by Tim. He doesn't return the hug, exhausted _again_ and, really, just wanting to forget this ever happened. He's passed to another set of arms that he immediately recognizes as Alex's. Despite how long it's been, he doesn't think it's possible to forget being mothered by Alex.

People are shouting and he recognizes the words this time. He's glad, being left out of things _sucks_.

"How the hell did you know where he'd be?"

"It was in the email--"

" _Bullshit_. Don't fucking _lie_ to me, Tim--"

"I'm _not_ \--"

Though, maybe he would prefer to be left out of _this_.

Jay is frustrated. Tired. Confused. Really, _really_ stressed. He wants to go home and pretend nothing is happening. He wants to go back to motel rooms and late nights and codes. This all feels too _normal_ , too _fake_ after everything.

A car door opens and Jay feels himself being pushed inside. Hands fumble with his seatbelt before it _clicks_ and he's buckled. The door closes and, while they're no longer shouting, he can hear the group-- Tim, Sarah, Alex, Seth, and Brian _again_ \-- talking to each other.

"He's not going anywhere with you," Alex says. "I don't trust you with him-- not before and certainly not after _this._ "

"What do you think I'm going to do?" Tim asks, incredulous. "I didn't _kidnap_ him. I didn't _bring him out here_ \--"

Brian interrupts this time, voice less cheerful than Jay is used to hearing. "Then how did you _know_ , Tim? I saw the email, we all did, it didn't say anything about Rosswood. It didn't say anything about where he was at all." He pauses, obviously thinking over his next words carefully. "You're my best friend," Brian says, "but ever since the auditions you've been acting weird. I-- you're my _best friend_ ," he repeats, "but I don't know if I can trust you."

There's hurt in Tim's voice when he responds, but he's obviously trying to hide it. "I don't care. As long as Jay trusts me, everything will work out. Everything will be fine." Jay hears the way Tim's voice breaks on the last word and wonders if it has some new meaning he missed. Tim sounds broken and Jay is worried.

"You're out," says Alex. "Out of this-- you're not involved with the movie anymore. I care about this movie, but I care about Jay more and I don't trust you not to be a threat to him."

With those parting words, Alex gets in the driver's side of the car Jay is currently in-- Alex's, apparently-- and drives off. 

They don't say anything to each other for a minute, but Jay can't stand the silence much longer so he says, "You didn't have to do that."

Alex takes a few seconds to respond. "Do what?" he asks eventually.

"Get mad at Tim. He means well and I trust him," Jay doesn't really want to go into detail, too scared to lose Alex over what would seem to be some weird fever-dream. "He really _didn't_ know where I was."

Jay can see Alex's grip on the steering wheel tighten. "I don't know what the _hell_ he's doing to you, Jay--"

"Nothing. Tim isn't doing anything to me." 

"I can't trust that," Alex says. "I want to. I want to trust him-- trust you-- but I'm working with all the information I have, so, unless either of you is willing to let me know _everything_ , then we're at an impasse."

"Who even says that?" Jay laughs. " _Impasse_? You sound like some fancy college student."

Alex relaxes his grip and Jay considers it a win. "We **are** fancy college students, Jay."

"Yeah," Jay says, turning to look out the window. "I guess we are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy! it's me, ya boy, back at it again with another (late) chapter. 
> 
> Jay didn't pass out this time and I count that as a win


	10. If I Could Hold The Whole World in My Hands (All I Would Be Holding is You)

Somewhere along the road to Alex's house, Jay had fallen asleep. He looks peaceful now, almost.

Alex is worried.

He doesn't know what exactly had gone down, isn't sure he ever will, but he knows it has something to do with Tim. Ever since Jay had seen Tim's audition he had been... off. Secretive. It's not something Alex is used to from Jay.

The thing he's most worried about, though, is Rosswood.

how had Jay ended up there? How had Tim known? Why didn't Jay remember any of it?

Alex has a couple of guesses, but Jay is very insistent Tim wasn't involved at all. Unlike Jay, despite his claims to the contrary, Alex has never had a knack for psychology. He's seen a few cop shows, though, that he thinks he would know what a kidnapping victim looks like.

(He takes a minute to ignore that procedural cop shows are both bad and not very accurate)

This whole mess is too confusing. He doesn't know enough to jump to conclusions but that seems to be the only thing he _wants_ to do. The only thing he can really be sure about is that Tim is involved, though.

(That point keeps repeating itself in his head and getting louder each time it does. _Tim is involved. Keep Jay safe_ )

Out of everything in the world-- all the money and material possessions and friends-- there are two things Alex really cares about: Jay and his movie. In that order, of course. Everything he does is to keep Jay safe. Talking him into going to college together, majoring in the same field, taking the same classes-- all of it is done because Jay worries Alex beyond belief.

Even as a child, Jay had been prone to injuries and bad choices: befriending the school bully who later beat him up, giving in to peer pressure and getting drunk off his ass at fifteen, running away from home and ending up in the hospital because he got hit by a car. Alex could go on forever about all of the messes Jay has gotten himself into and barely managed to scrape out of. The deciding factor in all of these was Alex: getting a teacher to stop the fight, calling a taxi to take Jay home, calling the ambulance that got Jay to the hospital. Alex has always been _there_ for Jay and he plans on it always being that way, but Jay is making it difficult for him.

Not that he hasn't always made it difficult, he _has_ , but more and more lately Alex finds himself staying up until the early hours of the morning asking how he's going to fix a problem when he doesn't even know what it is. Not even a week after auditions and he's slept a total of two hours because he's been up worrying about Jay. 

Why does he do this to himself? Run headfirst into strange situations because Jay needs help? It's a question he asks himself a lot, one he knows the answer to very well.

Jay is like a brother to Alex. They _are_ brothers in all but blood. There's never been a time where it wasn't _Jay and Alex_ or _Alex and Jay._ They've always been one person more than two, joined at the hip in a way that makes the thought of losing Jay completely unbearable. Like losing an arm or a leg, almost. He could do without, sure, but it'd make things so much more difficult when all he's ever known is this.

"You make such a mess of things, Jay," he says. There's no response from the passenger seat, Jay is still sleeping, but Alex wouldn't have expected one anyway.

A light turns red and Alex takes the time to study Jay's face.

His lip is busted, still bleeding slightly, and swollen, there's a bruise forming around his right eye, and blood splattered across his face and clothes. 

A car honks loudly behind him and Alex begins driving again.

He doesn't like it when Jay's hurt. He's been worse before, but it never gets easier. Even a paper cut sets Alex off anymore. It's not because Jay is fragile, though, he's the opposite of that (Jay walked out of the hospital the day after getting hit by that car and pretended nothing was wrong for a whole _month_ before he collapsed and had to go back), but Alex can't help the panic when he thinks of everything that could go wrong. He's taken as many health and first-aid related courses as he can fit into his schedule because he doesn't want to feel helpless anymore when Jay gets hurt. He no longer feels helpless, but he's a lot more informed about _things that could go wrong with Jay_ and every little thing reminds him of a million other, _deadly_ things and all he can do is panic and hope for everything to turn out okay.

Where would he be without Jay? A film major with no friends, maybe. All of his friends are people who befriended Jay first and only talked to Alex because he hung around too. Alex knows he comes off as aloof, angry. He's not good with people. Neither is Jay, but there's something about _him_ that seems to repel people.

People _know_ Jay is a good person. They don't have to talk to him to just _know_ that Jay is the kind of friend who would do anything for you. Sure, he comes off as rude sometimes too, but people like Brian and Sarah aren't really deterred by that and stick it out until they've wormed their way so deeply into your life that you can't imagine it without them.

They're _good_ for Jay. A lot more social than Alex and less quick-to-anger. Brian's a huge flirt, of course, and has it in his head that Jay should be too so he teaches him pick-up lines every time they meet. Sarah is a bit rougher around the edges, but she doesn't take shit from anybody and stands up for Jay when Alex isn't around to do it. 

They're good for him.

So why is he so attached to _Tim_ , a near-stranger with an awful personality? 

_God_ , he's starting to sound like somebody's weird, _shoot first and ask questions later_ dad.

The lights in his house are still on when Alex finally pulls into the driveway, the door is probably unlocked too. 

He shuts off the car and leans his head against the steering wheel, sighing. "What 'm I gonna do with you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex,,, has som issues he needs to work out. But, really, doesn't everybody?


	11. When the World Turns Against You (Who's Still There?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if u cant have a good, platonic cry w ur bro then what even is the point of being bros

Tim, for what seems like the hundredth time in the past few days, paces agitatedly across his living room floor. He knows how Jay ended up in Rosswood-- can guess pretty well at the why too-- but he doesn't know how to explain it to everybody else. It's one thing to tell them _I don't know_ or _it was just a hunch_ , but Tim can't lie. If he so much as _thinks_ about it, he starts choking on the words. The last time he told a lie Jay got killed and he isn't willing to risk that again. Not Jay.

A knock on the door freezes him in place, but he shakes it off and goes to answer. 

It's Brian.

Now, Tim has known Brian a long time, but he's never known him to look like this-- scared, regretful. _Betrayed_. It's what he would imagine Brian had looked like as he fell--

No need to think about that.

"Brian," Tim says, stepping out of the doorway, "come in."

Without saying a word, Brian walks into the house, makes his way to the couch, and half-collapses onto it. He doesn't say anything for a minute, just drags a hand down his face and stares blankly at the wall across from him.

When he finally _does_ speak, Tim kind of wishes he hadn't.

"I'm going to ask you again, Tim," Brian sighs, "How did you know where Jay would be?"

Tim taps his foot against the floor once. Twice. A third time. He picks his words very carefully. "I didn't know-- not for sure-- it was just a guess." It's close enough to being true that Tim feels comfortable saying it, but not so true that he feels like he's giving things away.

"That's not an answer," Brian stands up abruptly and takes Tim's earlier spot, pacing around the floor like a caged animal. "Ever since auditions, you've been acting weird. Twitchy. You've been keeping secrets and--" he pauses mid-pace and turns to look pleadingly at Tim "-- I _miss_ you. I miss my _friend_. Just-- tell me what's wrong, Tim, I want to _help_."

There's an awkward silence as Tim tries to process all of that. He hadn't even considered Brian had noticed anything odd-- sure, Brian had mentioned it during the argument at Rosswood, but he hadn't known it would cause any problems. 

Finally, Tim finds his voice to respond. "I don't-- there's-- I can't tell you." Brian's hopeful look falls and Tim feels so, incredibly _guilty_. "I _want_ to," Tim says, "but I _can't_. I have to talk to Jay about it first and I--"

"You're just feeding me _lines,_ Tim," Brian snaps, "fucking _bullshit_. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt here, really I do, but you're making it so fucking _difficult_ because you can't just _tell me what's_ _wrong."_ The anger fades and, once again, Brian looks sad. " _Please_ ," he says, "I just want to _help,_ Tim."

Instead of answering, Tim just looks away. He can't stand to look at Brian's face knowing he's the reason it looks so broken. Sometimes he forgets that this Brian isn't _his_ Brian. This Brian isn't the one who was stuck in a hood and a mask chasing Jay around for years. This Brian hasn't broken into people's houses to steal their medicine. This Brian hasn't _died_.

Suddenly Tim is enveloped in a strong hug. He sobs and clings to the back of Brian's shirt tightly. There's only so much stress he can handle, so many memories he can relive, before he ends up breaking. Tim hadn't realized how _close_ to that breaking point he was until now.

"I'm sorry," Tim sobs, "I'm so sorry." For everything that _has_ happened, everything he and Jay are trying to prevent, everything that _will_ happen.

Brian doesn't say anything, just holds Tim steady and lets him cry. He waits out the nonsensical apologies and the tears and the death-grip Tim as on his shirt. He waits until the living room is silent once again and then he says, "You don't have to tell me anything, I shouldn't have pushed, but, _Tim_ \--" he pulls away momentarily to look Tim in the eyes, "-- when you _are_ ready to talk, I'm going to be right here, okay? I'm not going anywhere. If what you and Jay have going on isn't something you two want to talk about, I'll stay out of it, but I'm _here._ "

"Do you promise?" Tim feels stupid asking, almost like a toddler who's been let down one-time-too-many by his parents, but he's tired and scared and needs the reassurance.

"Yeah," Brian says, "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy hey its been a hot minute since i updated sxnsmdn uhhh no excuses really im just lazy and sick and honestly my mental health has been kinda iffy lmao m not gonna promise regular updates anymore ig bc even i dont know when im gonna update next sxnmsd but i do promise to finish this eventually. might not be as nicely scheduled/updated as it would otherwise be but. yknow.


	12. I Think I Might Love You (but Now's Not the Time)

Jay, contrary to popular belief, _does_ know how to be patient sometimes. Kind of.

He can sit around the house while Alex mother-hens him half-to-death and pretend he doesn't mind all that much-- which, he doesn't really-- and he can follow instructions like the good lap dog he was always meant to be, but most of it is an act. What Alex doesn't know won't hurt him and he really doesn't need to know that Jay has been texting Tim and planning a time to meet up. Alex also doesn't need to know that Jay's gunshot wound is still open and still bleeding-- not that Alex has seemed to notice the blood staining the couch and the floor and his clothes.

Part of Jay feels kind of guilty for sneaking off like this, he knows Alex worries, but he can't bring himself to stay away from Tim for so long. There's a voice-- not the annoying, rowdy one who's only goal is to piss Jay off-- that tells him he knows why he's so determined to see Tim, but he brushes it off every time it rears its head.

He's not _in love_ \-- that would be such a ridiculous thing to be right now. Jay doesn't have _time_ to fall in love with his handsome, wonderful, talented friend. He doesn't. Even if he _did_ \-- which he _doesn't_ \-- _Tim_ doesn't have time to deal with Jay's stupid feelings-- _that don't exist_ \-- anyways. They're both so busy dealing with all this man-in-the-suit nonsense that they don't have the time or energy to put into relationships or stupid things like that.

Yeah.

Stupid.

Jay isn't saying he's in love with Tim-- he's _not_ \-- but he _is_ saying he can see himself there one day. He cares about Tim, differently than the way he cares about his friends and family. Sometimes he catches himself imagining a world where none of this mess had happened. It's not realistic, obviously, because he knows the only reason he and Tim are as close as they are is because they've gone through hell together, but he likes to imagine they could've been this close without all the suffering. Jay likes to think that he and Tim could've ended up sharing an apartment and a bed somewhere, maybe have a pet or two, and just been. No rushing-to-save-each-other, no blacking-out-and-waking-up-covered-in-blood, no fighting-for-their-lives, just some domestic, calm life. 

Domesticity isn't something Jay ever imagined himself wanting. After all the adventure of his youth and his friendship with Brian, Jay always thought he'd want something _exciting_ , something that got his heart pounding in his chest, but now that he's lived quite a few years in constant terror, he realizes he'd much rather just exist somewhere with somebody he cares about and do stupid, mundane things like work and sleep and cook. 

He wonders how Tim would feel if he knew. 

Would he feel obligated to pretend he wanted the same thing? Would he tell Jay it was a stupid dream? Would he not say anything at all?

Too many outcomes and not enough surety for Jay to even _consider_ bringing the topic up with Tim for more than a few seconds. 

Maybe, though, he's tearing himself apart over nothing at all. Maybe Tim feels the exact same way and is having the exact same problems and the exact same thoughts as Jay.

Jay lets his mind wander for once, doesn't block off the thoughts he knows are coming.

He wonders what it would be like to kiss Tim, to be so close to him that they're more like one person than two. What must it be like to kiss Tim Wright? Not just the typical kiss-on-the-lips either, but soft kisses to the end of Tim's nose? A quick peck to his cheek? A lingering kiss to the palm of his hand? What must it be like to bump hips with Tim while they navigate around the kitchen together? Tangle their hands together under the kitchen table while they eat? Wake up in each other's arms?

Maybe Jay is just lonely and Tim feels like the best option, but somehow it doesn't feel like it. Somehow, these all feel like things jay would have thought without having been stuck in this awful mess. Tim is a good person, the kind of person Jay can see himself being in love with-- the kind of person Jay could see himself being in love with no matter the circumstances. Tim feels like somebody Jay could have run into once at a grocery store and been unable to forget for the rest of his life.

_(How sad)_

_No_ , Jay thinks, _not sad._

_(How would you describe it then?)_

_Nostalgic. Longing. Understanding. Two halves of a whole, maybe._

_(Soulmates?)_

_Almost. More like... somebody has two magnets. They can function well on their own, but they prefer to stick together when put in the right circumstances._

_(You attract each other, then?)_

_Opposites attract._

_(Is it really "opposites" if you're both so similar? Is he the hot to your cold? Water to your fire?)_

_No,_ Jay pushes the thought aggressively at the voice, _not like that either. He's grounding, sturdy. I'm not. We balance each other out._

_(You took Psych for less than a year, Dr. Smarty-pants, maybe tone down the analyzing)_

_Whatever_ , he tunes the voice out with a huff. It's been harder and harder not to fall for it's baiting words, but Jay had thought he was doing pretty well. Until, of course, now.

He's a mess, he knows. Voices and mysterious injuries and an incredibly reckless personality, it's a wonder anybody's ever spoken to him for more than a few seconds at a time. Hell, it's a miracle people even bother to _look_ in his direction anymore.

Maybe it's for the best he and Tim don't have time for romance, Jay probably wouldn't make all that great a boyfriend anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually updated on time???? Immediately after saying I wouldn't??? Reverse psychology babeyyyy,, told myself I wouldn't and then I went and did it anyways
> 
> Is this chapter just Jay, thinking about loving Tim? Yes. Was I half-asleep and dehydrated when I wrote it? Also yes. Hotel? trivago.


	13. I'm Sorry I'm Saying This Now (but I Might Not Get the Chance Tomorrow)

Tim is ready when Jay meets him just outside of the local Safeway's parking lot. Or, he thinks he is. He _is_ ready to see Jay, but he _isn't_ ready for the overwhelming relief he feels when he sees that, aside from the never-healing injury, Jay is _okay_. 

He fights the urge to drag Jay into yet another hug-- this seems like the most human contact Tim has had in years-- for all of two seconds. There's something so _relaxing_ about holding Jay like this-- like he knows that as long as they're standing like this, nothing can get to them-- and he clings to that feeling with all his might.

"I missed you," Tim says, finally. He doesn't raise his voice above a whisper, afraid of breaking whatever it is that's keeping Jay from pulling away from him.

"I missed you too," Jay responds. He's got his hands fisted in the back of Tim's shirt and his face pressed into Tim's hair. "Alex doesn't know how to relax," he laughs softly, but the way his grip tightens for a second gives away how _lost_ he's been feeling. Tim doesn't know if he's been feeling that way because they haven't been together or because of how confusing everything is. Maybe both.

"Yeah," Tim agrees, "he's good at that." He goes to pull away from the hug finally, worried it's getting weird for Jay, but he's held in place by his friend's (?) surprisingly strong hold on his shirt. 

" _Don't._ "

So, he stays there, wrapping his arms back around Jay and just being for a moment. For now, nothing exists outside of _Jay and Tim_ \-- there is no man in the suit, no injuries, no past or present or future, only _them_.

They do have to break apart eventually, but Tim took Jay's hand in his own, unwilling to fully let go quite yet. Jay doesn't say anything, just squeezes his hand reassuringly and smiles.

"Are we still going with the original plan?" For a moment, Tim is sure Jay will say no. He hasn't been convinced this will work but had been willing to give it a shot earlier. It would throw a wrench in things if he changed his mind now, but Tim figures they could figure something else out if necessary.

"Yeah," Jay uses the hand not holding Tim's to pull a knife from his pocket. "I took this from Alex-- it's not one he'll notice is gone for a while-- so I'm ready to go."

Tim can feel the weight of the gun against his hip and just nods. 

"Walk me through it again?" Jay asks, "I've been so out of it lately, I want to make sure I remember."

"It's really just as simple as _hope one of us gets him and it works_. Just stay low, alright? I don't want to get you with the gun."

"where'd you get that thing, anyways?" 

Tim shifts awkwardly. Technically, his weapon had been stolen as well. He feels a bit more guilty about it than Jay seems to, so he doesn't respond besides a quiet shake of his head.

Jay seems to understand though and squeezes Tim's hand again. "We should go," he says.

"We should," Tim agrees. "If this doesn't work, though, I want you to know--"

"None of that." Jay's voice is firm, but Tim can hear the fear behind it. "We're going to be _fine_ , do you understand? We're making it out-- both of us-- and you can tell me when this is all over. We're going to be _fine_."

"Okay. We'll be fine."

The trip to Rosswood park is made in silence. Tim drives, too worried about Jay's constant whatever-they-are that leave him immobilized for however long it takes him to snap out of them, with one hand on the wheel and the other, once again, in Jay's. He hadn't planned for that, thought once they went their separate ways to get in the car that would be the end of it, but Jay had climbed right in, buckled his seatbelt, and grabbed Tim's hand.

It's not exactly _safe_ , but, then again, nothing they do anymore seems to be safe, so he lets it go and allows himself to feel comforted by the weight of Jay's head on his shoulder. This may be the last-- _only_ \-- chance he has to be this close with Jay. 

"Last chance to back out," he says once the car's been parked. 

Jay doesn't say anything for a long moment but eventually sighs And lifts his head from Tim's shoulder. "I know-- I know I said we'd be fine, but, Tim? If I don't ever get another chance to tell you this; I love you."

Tim tenses, surprised, and turns his head to look at Jay. His friend-- if they can really call themselves something so simple after _this_ \-- is carefully avoiding his gaze. "Jay," Tim says.

"Hm?"

Huffing, Tim uses his free hand to turn Jay's face towards his own. He doesn't let go, though. Instead, he brushes his thumb along the side of Jay's face. He's never really put much thought into their relationship besides _can't live without him_ , but somehow _I love you_ makes so much sense. Maybe it's rushed or stupid or the fault of knowing he's about to die, but Tim takes a deep breath and asks, "Can I kiss you?"

Jay's eyes jump up to meet his own, widening in shock. They scan his face for something-- Tim isn't sure what-- and jay must find whatever it is because he nods and whispers, "Yes."

The kiss is slow and gentle, nothing rushed or heated or desperate. It feels less like a first I love you and more like a final Goodbye. He kisses Jay a second time and then a third, each just as gentle as the first. They don't quite pull away but sit with their foreheads pressed together.

Tim hears Jay sniff and feels as his arm comes up to wipe what must be a tear away. " _I love you_ ," Jay says, voice breaking.

" _I love you too._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy and happy tdov everybody!!! we out here vibin on main
> 
> nyways hope u liked this chapter ahahaha


	14. Save Me (From What Comes Next)

There's a sense of finality, hearing the car doors slam shut behind them. Tim wants to reach back out for jay-- one last kiss or hug or goodbye-- but stops himself. This is going to work. This has to work.

They weave their way through the now-familiar trails of Rosswood, silent save the sound of their footsteps. The tunnel can just be seen in the distance and Tim pauses. Do they really want to do this? Now? After everything, is he really willing to risk Jay's life like this-- no plan or backup plan or chance-- to destroy this thing?

Yes.

He hates to admit it, but the answer is a definitive yes. 

Jay means a lot to Tim-- at this point, Tim could go so far as to say Jay is the only thing that really matters to him-- but other people's lives are at risk here and he knows Jay would kill him for letting anybody die because of something as ridiculous as his own selfish need for-- love? Friendship? Whatever they are to each other now. So, he steels himself and carries on.

They pass from dirt to gravel to cement, still not saying a word. Once inside the tunnel, all that's left to do is wait. It has to show up eventually, Tim figures, curious about what it's puppets are up to. 

"Tim?" 

Tim turns to answer, then freezes. There's the man in the suit, standing directly behind Jay. Pulling his gun from its holster, Tim shouts a quick behind you to Jay. He can't remember how to reload the damn thing, so the bullets it has in it are his only chance.

As soon as the first shot echos through the tunnel, Tim knows he's made a mistake. His ears are ringing and the recoil's made him drop the gun to the ground; one of his fingers feels like maybe it's broken, but, worst of all, is Jay's reaction. 

Jay freezes completely, dropping his knife and staring blankly at the tunnel exit. There's no time to worry, though, because now is their best shot to kill this fucker. Tim lunges for Jay's dropped knife and very carefully ignores the feeling of plunging the same one into Alex's throat what feels like a lifetime ago. 

His first dash at the creature is useless; he's too shaky and scared and In pain and worried about Jay to focus on the task at hand. Tim's second and third attempts yield about the same results. 

He's about to make a fourth charge for the thing when suddenly there's a metal pipe sticking through it. It flickers in and out of existence for a moment but finally disappears completely, leaving the pipe to clatter to the ground loudly. Standing directly behind where the man had been is Jay. Tim hadn't even noticed he had snapped out of his frozen panic, let alone moved. 

" _Jay_ ", he breathes, practically launching himself across the tunnel in order to, once again, drag Jay into a tight hug. "We did it."

Jay's hands are shaking as they try to find purchase on Tim's clothes and he seems to be doing his best not to just collapse from sheer relief. "We did it," he agrees, sobbing. "We did it."

Tim pulls back for a second only to lean back in for a kiss. He's clinging almost desperately to Jay's face and can feel the _relief-confusion-joy-fear_ from both of them. He ignores everything else-- the voice that tells him this was too easy, the dread he can feel in the air around them-- and just focuses on the relief that Jay is okay, that they're both okay for now. 

"I love you," Tim says. "I love you. _I love you_. let's never do that again. Please."

Jay doesn't answer except to press his face into Tim's hair and nod. 

They're both exhausted and, now that the adrenaline is wearing off, shaky and, in Tim's case, in pain. "Let's go home," he whispers. 

"Yeah," Jay murmurs back, "let's go home."

The ringing in his ears that had started dying down only moments ago begins returning at full force. This time, it's accompanied by static and screaming. 

Tim feels his breath catch in his throat, something wet and warm and distinctly copper-tasting flooding up out of his mouth and nose with every spasm of his chest. He's trying very hard to just breathe and grab the pills from his jacket before it's too late, but he can't. 

The creature looms behind Jay, so much taller, somehow, than the last time Tim had come so close to it. 

He hears a quiet _I'm sorry_ from Jay before everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	15. Don't Bite the Hand that Feed You (Bite the One that Hurts)

The Messenger rests its head against the half-broken window, sighing roughly through its nose. There are too many noises today. Too loud, too many, too rough on its ears.

The Dog pays the sounds no mind, almost as if they aren't there or, perhaps, they're muted.

Speaking of The Dog. It watches as they stand at attention, barely breathing. Usually, they're more... _active_ than this, but something must have happened that subdued them. An attack, maybe. The King is rather rough with punishments, but there's no way this is what happened. The Knight would never have allowed The King anywere _near_ them. 

It frowns, thinking. What else could have possibly scared them into submission, though?

Nothing. There's nothing that could have possibly scared The Dog into submission like this, nothing except The King. 

Immediately upon this realization, the air feels more tense. The Dog doesn't react, too busy staring intently at the bottom of the stairs. It opens its mouth to speak, but nothing comes out save a raspy, croaking sound. The man who shares its body is most likely to blame for this mess-- probably screaming in fear or crying like the coward he is-- but it supposes it holds no ill will for that. The man's voice is not its voice and it dislikes having to use anything other than its usual birdspeak for conversation. Not that the others understand it when it speaks, but how can they when they refuse to listen? The Knight and The Dog are both guilty of this, brushing it off as childish or ridiculous. This is just the way it prefers to communicate and nobody complains when The Dog refuses to make _any_ noise. 

Perhaps The Messenger is the outcast here. 

Nobody likes it, enjoys its presence. The Dog and The Knight purposefully leave it out of things for reasons unknown to it. The King, perhaps, enjoys it, Though the way The King enjoys things is quite different from most-- more, The King enjoys useful things and The Messenger does so try to be useful, if a bit of a nuisance. Where's the fun in life if it can't break the rules every now and again?

Well, not break exactly. More like bend.

Maybe that's why none of the others like it. The Dog finds its disobedience an annoyance and The Knight openly threatens it for such things as if that's not what arks entire battalion is based off of-- did The Knight not grab arks faithful dog to leave behind a heavy-handed king? There is no shame in admitting such things and, if it was braver, perhaps The Messenger would admit to wanting to join The Knight and The Dog on their journey of whatever-the-two-of-them-are-up-to. 

The sound of footsteps crashing down the stairs snaps it from its thoughts. No more time for introspection, The Dog has started running and The Messenger must play dog-catcher.

It spares no second glance for the building it leaves behind, no care for the spot it once stood. Nowhere holds meaning for a being with no home. 

Nor is there a rush to follow The Dog, though. Their speed is not so fast that they cannot be outrun by The Messenger whose sole job it is to be fast. It is meant for speed and, as such, it will easily catch up to The Dog in due time. 

It follows along quickly. A left then a right then straight for about an hour. When its lost track of its companion, it whistles for the birds and they whistle right back. The patterns are complex, but it knows they understand them well. 

_Oh_ , how it longs to be one of them. No more being trapped in this confining, wingless body, forced to do the bidding of faceless masters and chase down stray dogs, only the freedom of flight and the cries of joy as it hurtles its body through the sky. What a dream that is. 

No matter how unachievable such things seem, it refuses to give up. It may never learn to soar like the birds, but it knows how to run. Maybe it was holding back before in an effort to prolong the chase, but now is the time to stop holding back. 

It makes quick work of climbing a nearby tree, practically launching itself off the floor in an effort to reach the top, and scans the area. Its eyesight isn't particularly good, but that's of no consequence now, not when it already knows where The Dog is heading.

So it soars.

It leaps from branch to branch at a speed not quite possible by the body it inhabits. No longer bound by the lack of space, its ahead of The Dog is less than a minute. Adrenaline courses through its veins and it lets out an involuntary whoop of glee. This is the first time its felt so much freedom in months. 

All good things must come to an end, though, and its flight is no exception. It catches a glimpse of The Knight at the opening of the tunnel and grabs a branch in order to come to a stop. The arm jerks backward rather painfully, but that won't be its problem for too long. It has no care what happens to the body of Jay Merrick, though they are technically one and the same, this body means nothing to it and one day it will be amongst its friends in the sky.

Until then, it appears to have a job to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh. Masky is The Dog, Skully is The Messenger, Hoody is The Knight, and The Operator is The King. These were all explained on my tumblr like. forever and a half ago, but the gist is that they're all named after their roles and that's. about it really. Calling the Masky and Skully and Hoody felt. Wrong ig? which is stupid but it is what it is.
> 
> Skully is using it/its pronouns, Masky is using they/them, and Hoody uses ark/arks. I haven't decided what to do about the operator sxbkjshgh but uh. we'll figure that out when we get there.
> 
> Can you tell Skully likes birds? I really went hard on that huh. shxskj uh. yeah.
> 
> Sorry if this isn't really up to the usual standards? I'm. This fic isn't turning out right sxsjkh it was. much better in my head. so im just really. having a hard time motivating myself. you're all very sweet though and i would feel awful for just abandoing it snxjkshd so. its gonna be finished. we're almost at the end anyways. not sure exactly how many chapters but this fic is just about over with. love yal, stay safe


	16. There's a Pain in my Chest (Yet I Wish You the Best in Life)

Its job is simple. The Knight has asked, despite arks apparent lack of authority over it, that The Messenger do what it does best. Jay Merrick and his friend must be taught a lesson-- one does not stand against The King. 

Without specific instructions, it's free to do what it wishes in order to get the message across. 

It doesn't know what scares Jay Merrick's friend, but Jay Merrick himself? The Messenger is quite the expert. 

There are many things that scare jay Merrick-- the dark, being alone, guns, and Alex Kralie being the most prominent. Most are not particularly obvious fears for he's learned to push them aside in times of need, but they are all easily exploitable.

It starts with the gun. Merrick had left his weapon in The King's tunnel, not by choice but done so nonetheless. It picks the gun up, turning it carefully between its hands to turn the safety on. As much as it dislikes this body, it _does_ have a job to do, and getting shot would be a major inconvenience to it. 

Speaking of wounds... its mind wanders to the bandages wrapped oh-so-carefully around its side. Obviously not done by itself or either companion within the woods-- the bandages are too clean, too perfect-- leaving either Merrick or his friend to be the culprits. Sadly, many of Merrick's memories are rather fuzzy to The Messenger and perhaps it will never know who wrapped its side like this. There will be chances to check later when the trap has been set and there's nothing left to do but wait for Merrick to resurface. 

Next, it moves on to Alex Kralie. It's editing skills are not as good as The Knights and perhaps that may be obvious, but the job will be done well enough to frighten Merrick and that's really all that matters.

It can hear The Knight approaching, arks steps heavier than its own but lighter than The Dog's. Ark stares, waiting for The Messenger's acknowledgment, but is ignored in favor of continuing to Kralie's house. 

"You're ignoring me," The Knight says, head tilted. Of the three of them, The Knight is the most comfortable using the other's voice. Perhaps The Knight just doesn't care or perhaps ark is simply used to it. Either way, The Messenger can't understand the comfort. 

It chirps something back that translates rather vaguely to _obviously_ and continues on its way.

"That's not very polite of you."

The Messenger doesn't care much for being polite, though, and so chooses not to respond.

"Fine. Don't talk, just listen," The Knight pulls it by its shoulder and slams it against the nearest wall. "I can't have you fucking this up, do you understand? My ass is on the line here. The Dog's, too. I'm sure you understand."

 _What about me?_ It trills.

"What about you? You don't matter to me, not now. I'm taking The Dog and leaving. Places to go, people to see, you know how it is. I'm not risking anything by trying to bring you with us, though. That means I need you to behave until we're out of here. After that? Do whatever you want, I don't care."

_And if I don't listen?_

"Then you'll wish you had," The Knight smiles and turns to leave. The Messenger doesn't want to risk arks anger-- though ark may not be physically intimidating, The Dog is under arks command and it knows it wouldn't stand a chance against them.

What a night. 

Onwards to finishing the task, though.

Now, The Messenger isn't entirely sure what exactly Merrick is afraid of in relation to Kralie. All it knows is that there are vague feelings of _death-Kralie-pain_ and _fear_ involved. Its best guess is that Merrick is afraid of Kralie dying or being in pain, so that's going to be the plan.

Not, of course, to imply he's going to do anything too drastic, no point in killing anybody he doesn't have to, but he can certainly make it sound like he has. 

Breaking into Kralie's house is easy, barely worth a mention. The locks on the windows are already undone and all it has to do is slip inside. 

Kralie's room is also easy to get into-- the man snores like an incredibly loud car and he leaves the door unlocked-- so all The Messenger really has to do is scare him. 

The safety on the gun is still on, its sure, and it made sure to unload the weapon beforehand anyway just to be safe.

It claps a hand over Kralie's mouth and watches, amused, as he tries to sit up and dislodge it. When Kralie finally stops struggling, it waves the gun lazily in its other hand. There's obvious terror on Kralie's face and The Messenger relishes in the expression. It only has so many opportunities to truly frighten people and the opportunity is just so much fun. What a shame it can't do this more often.

The hand is removed and the gun pointed directly at Kralie's head. It clicks record on the phone in its pocket, simply waiting. 

Kralie takes a while to look brave, even makes a few attempts for the gun that are easily thwarted, before finally, _finally_ , starting to beg.

"Please," he says. "Please, I don't know what you want, but you can take it."

It wiggles the gun again and presses it up against Kralie's temple.

"I swear, I didn't--"

There's a _click-click_ as the safety turns off (and right back on again).

The begging gets louder and more frantic now like Kralie just doesn't know what else to do. 

"You can have whatever you want, but please don't kill me-- I'll do anything you want, please."

That should be good enough. The Messenger knocks Kralie over the head with the butt of the gun and watches him collapse back onto the bed. Now it only needs to collect one more noise for the recording.

Traveling once again to the tunnel, it reloads the gun and turns the safety off. It has no earplugs, but Merrick will be the one to face the consequences of this so it doesn't bother trying to muffle the _BANG_ of the gunshot or the echo from the tunnel walls.

Those are all the sounds it needs, so it makes its way to Merrick's apartment to borrow his computer. 

Editing is also quick, it only needs to make the sound vaguely realistic.

That leaves the phone and the location.

It leaves the phone in a drawer by Merrick's bed and then makes its way to the final location.

There's an empty house in the middle of the woods-- no furniture, no tools, no widows. Only a floor, four walls, and a roof. Hiding speakers in the walls is hard, but The Messenger manages well enough even without the use of electricity. The computer is set up to loop sounds of Kralie begging and the gun echoing through the tunnel.

Finally, The Messenger locks itself inside. 

There's time now, to check the bandages, it supposes. So it does. Each wrapping is carefully undone to reveal-- nothing. There's nothing underneath. Its brows furrow in confusion. This makes no sense. There is no injury hiding beneath the bright white cloth, not so much as a papercut. Why put them on then? What purpose do they serve?

It feels Merrick attempting to claw his way to consciousness and fights back twice as hard. This is a losing battle, it knows, but the curiosity makes it feel the need to fight it anyway.

As expected, it loses. All goes black and The Messenger is no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skully noooo,,, dont be mean to Jay ahaha ur too sexy for that


	17. There's a Party Going on Tonight and the Gang's All Here (We're Wondering Where You are Tonight)

Tim doesn't know how he ended up here-- though he does have _some_ ideas. The last thing he remembers is winning-- _thinking_ they won-- and Jay apologizing. Apologizing for _what,_ though? What had Jay done, exactly? 

Really, there's only one way to find out and that's to find Jay and ask.

He doesn't seem to be in the immediate area, though. There's an entire park to look through now and Tim suddenly feels all the more helpless. It won't keep him from searching, but at what point are the chances of finding Jay zero? When does he give up? 

Logically, he knows the answer should be somewhere within the ballpark of a few hours to a day at most, but he's never cared much for logic when it comes to Jay and he knows he won't give up until either he's dead or he's found Jay.

He's already lost Jay once, he can't do it again-- especially not now that they've finally had a chance to confess to one another or when he has so many questions about Jay's last words to him. 

And so the search begins. There's too much ground to cover for just him, but he can't call the others and risk getting yelled at _again_. He's not quite that desperate yet.

But.

As the hours drag on and on and on, Tim starts to lose hope. So many miles of woods and only one person to search them. He has to call for help, he knows. Brian, maybe. Sarah. Anybody other than Alex. Call for one and the rest will follow, though, and he has to decide if finding Jay is worth the police investigation Alex will likely attempt to initiate.

Yes.

Anything to find Jay. 

So he makes some calls. First to Brian. He doesn't ask for Brian to trust him or to believe he's innocent-- he only asks for help. Then to Seth. Sarah. Alex. Amy. Even a call to the number he remembers Jessica having, hoping to get all hands on deck. 

Jessica and Amy are, obviously, not very happy to get calls from a practical stranger, but he lets Alex's name slip and they both (reluctantly) agree to join the search.

Tim paces the parking lot, waiting for everybody to arrive. He knows he's going to get chewed out for this, but he's hoping he can convince the others that finding Jay is more important than getting mad at him.

Brian is the first to arrive. He doesn't ask questions, he just waits patiently with Tim. 

Jessica and Amy both arrive next, suspicious at first. They relax when they catch sight of Brian, probably knowing him from all the times he and Alex have hung out. 

Seth is next with Sarah soon after. They both look tense and pointedly glare at Tim. He knows how this must look to them, but the silent accusations hurt. 

Finally, arrives Alex. He brings with him a large duffel bag and three forest rangers. Tim can tell he's holding himself back, only barely, from starting an argument now, but if there's one thing they both prioritize over all else, it's Jay's wellbeing.

They'll yell this out later, but, for now, they're on the same side. 

Everybody is handed a flashlight from the duffel bag, minus the rangers who brought their own. Tim can tell they're against having a group of civilians in the woods with them while they're looking for a missing person, but he can also tell Alex was far too stubborn to back down when they asked. 

The rangers break them into groups of three, so there's one of them with each group. Tim, Brian, and Alex all end up in a group of three while the other four split off in groups of two with their own rangers. Obviously this had been planned by all of them, Brian and Tim being the ones who knew Tim best and would be the best bet for talking him down from things or, if it came to it, beating him in a fight.

Their ranger leads the way into the woods, acting oblivious to the tension all the while. He calls for Jay every once in a while, pausing momentarily to listen for a response, before continuing on when he gets none. 

Tim remains tense through it all, half-expecting the man in the suit to appear from thin air and take them all. It's unlikely, based on past experience, it will attack while they're in such a large group like this, but he worries nonetheless. It feels like hours when the ranger's radio buzzes and a voice comes over the other end. Tim can barely make out what's being said but he hears the words _Jay_ and _found_. It's enough for him to start sprinting back to the parking lot, ignoring the shouts of _wait_ from behind him. 

He can't wait, not now. 

By the time he catches sight of the parking lot, he can hear Sarah and Jessica talking to each other quietly. He pays them no mind, though, doesn't notice when they're voices stop or they turn their stares onto him.

No.

He only cares about Jay right now.

And there he is. 

Jay has a shock blanket wrapped loosely around his shoulders. He looks fine, but there's no telling what's going on in that head of his. 

"Jay!" Tim shouts, starting up his sprint again. Jay's head snaps up at the sound of Tim's voice and he looks so relieved that Tim can't help but let a relieved look of his own show. 

"Tim," Jay says back, voice hoarse. He smiles brightly and drops the blanket to wrap his arms around Tim's neck when he finally reaches the car Jay is sitting on.

"I was worried," Tim mumbles into Jay's hair. It's odd, being the taller one temporarily, while Jay sits on the hood of Alex's car, but it makes it easier to press himself closer.

"Were you really?" Jay says back, "I hadn't noticed."

Tim's laugh sounds more like a sob, but he doesn't care too much for appearances right now.

He knows the others will be here soon, knows they'll have a lot to talk about, but, for now, all he can feel is calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look,,, i remember nothing about amy and jessica. theyre here now. they exist. have fun with them


	18. Your Blood Stains the Concrete (I Want to See More)

Alex is _pissed_. Angry. Mad. Fuming.

This is the second goddamn time Jay has disappeared out of thin air and Tim is, once again, involved.

Once may be an unlucky coincidence, but twice is pushing it.

The parking lot is dark when he, Brian, and the ranger make it there, but his flashlight lands easily on the unmistakeable figure of Tim Wright. He can tell Jay is with him-- cuddled up against his side and being fed little lies to make this whole thing seem like an unfortunate accident, no doubt.

"You _fucking bastard_!" Alex snaps.

Tim turns to face him, stepping just away from Jay so their confrontation doesn't involve him more than necessary.

Good.

There's something incredibly satisfying about the crunch of Tim's nose under his fist. One could even call it therapeutic.

He hears the others shocked exclamations, but he only has eyes for Tim right now.

"What the _fuck_ did you do? Huh? What kind of fucking _bullshit_ stunt are you trying to pull, Wright? Where the hell did you have him?"

"I didn't do _anything_ ," Tim says, voice level despite the pain he must be in and the blood running down his face. "I didn't. I wouldn't hurt Jay."

Arms wrap around Alex's torso and, though Brian is shorter than him by a good few inches, the grip is strong and he can't get out no matter how much he struggles against it.

"I think that's enough," Brian says, "Why don't you ask Jay, hm? He's the only one who knows all of what happened, right? Let's ask him."

The rangers look grateful they don't have to involve themselves in the fight and that they now have a chance to ask Jay what happened.

Alex's gaze zeros in on his best friend, waiting impatiently for an answer-- _some_ confirmation that he's been right to distrust Tim.

He remains disappointed.

"It wasn't Tim," Jay says, voice hoarse but firm. "We got jumped by some guy-- tall, white, bald. He was wearing a suit? He jumped us and I blacked out, woke up in the house you found me in. That's all I know."

"Then where was... Tim, right?" Jessica looks at Tim for confirmation before continuing, "Where was he when you were in the house?"

"I don't know," Jay says, obviously tired and frustrated by even this small amount of questions. "Why don't you ask him? He's right there."

They all turn to look at Tim as a group, expecting an answer. He's harder to understand with the broken nose, Alex's notes smugly, but not enough so that they can't get his side of the story.

"I woke up in the middle of the woods," he says, "I don't know how I got there or why I wasn't locked up either, but I woke up and I couldn't find Jay so I called all of you."

There's no obvious lie in his voice, but Alex can't believe this story. He can't believe in some man attacking them in the middle of the woods and doing who-knows-what before hiding them away in different places. It doesn't make sense. 

What does make sense, and Alex will stand by this to his grave, is Tim trying to manipulate everybody. Jay most of all. 

He doesn't know why Tim would be doing that, but it's the only thing that makes sense. 

Jay disappears once and Tim just happens to know where to look for him? He disappears again in Tim's presence and Tim "calls for help." It all sounds too convenient, too organized for his taste.

But he can't prove anything either.

Jay refuses to hear a bad word about Tim, let alone _speak_ one. Without a victim to prove there was a crime at all or to speak against Tim, there's no case.

Alex has, though he's loath to admit it, never quite grown out of his detective phase, though he likes to pretend otherwise, and here's a case right in front of him. A case he knows all the details about. One he can work on now that movie production has temporarily halted.

It's been a while since he last started looking into something ongoing and if nobody else is going to help him he might as well help himself.

He'll have to ask the others to join. 

Not Brian, though. Brian is suspicious of Tim, but he also wants to believe the best in his friend. Alex can't risk having somebody who isn't 100% on-board with this operation.

He side-eyes Seth, Sarah, Jessica, and Amy. They'll be the ones he'll ask once he gets a chance. 

For now, though, he has to wait. 

Nothing to do anymore but wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is acting kinda funky huh,, oh well im sure its nothing (:


	19. The Sun May Set (but it Always Rises Again in the Morning

It feels like it's been forever since Jay had a chance to relax-- or relax as much as he can nowadays. There are still things to worry about and stuff he knows he and Tim should be talking about, but he can't bring himself to care right now. 

He's exhausted and joining Tim in a nap sounds absolutely _wonderful_ right now, but his thoughts are keeping him up. Jay tries his best to focus on the sound of Tim's heartbeat under him for a moment, listening to the steady _ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump_ and trying to fall asleep to that. Even this is ineffective, though, so he turns his attention to watching instead.

Jay lifts himself up and shifts so his chin is resting on Tim's chest. It's uncomfortable and the view isn't great, but he's honestly much too tired to care. 

Tim is in obvious need of a shave now-- understandably, he hasn't had time to care much about appearance-- and the bags under his eyes are prominent. As much as Jay hates to admit it, Tim does look rather like a disheveled madman and Alex's suspicion makes more sense now, however uninformed they are. 

Part of Jay feels guilty for that lack of information, but the voice had a point when it asked if they could really risk trusting the others. He hates to admit it, he does, because he hates admitting that he listens to the voice at all or that he even _considers_ any questions it asks. It still hasn't given him a reason for its presence in his head or even what it wants from him, though maybe that's because he hasn't _asked_ yet.

( _maybe so. maybe not. doesn't hurt to try, does it?_ )

"Why are you here, then? What do you want?"

( _no "who are you?" very well. i'm... a friend. i want to help._ )

"No you don't," Jay scoffs, "after all the-- the weird _memory things_ you put me through, how can you want to help?"

( _i didn't put you through them without purpose-- though i will admit to finding them entertaining. you need to remember what's at stake here and i don't trust you to do that on your own._ )

"I know what's at--"

"Jay?" Tim's voice is rough, still half-asleep. "Who are you talking to?"

"Just thinking out loud," Jay says, "that's all."

"Oh," it's obvious he isn't quite buying it, so Jay pushes himself onto his elbows and leans in to press a kiss to Tim's jaw. A silent plea to drop the questions. They can always talk later, but for now Jay doesn't feel like answering anything or having to think too long about what's wrong with him.

Tim sighs and tangles his fingers in Jay's hair-- a _later_ that Jay knows will be remembered. 

"You're gonna be the death of me, you know that?" Tim's eyes are closed, but he's yet to remove his hand from Jay's hair. He tugs gently at it to encourage Jay to lay back down.

"I won't," Jay laughs, following along and pressing his ear back to Tim's chest. He can feel more than hear the responding chuckle and the casualness of it all helps him relax.

"You will if you don't get some sleep-- you're much more reckless when you've been up for a while."

"'m not--" Jay yawns,"-- I'm not tired."

Tim starts playing with the ends of Jay's hair, running his fingers through it and tugging on random strands gently. "You're not?" he asks, "You sound pretty tired to me."

"No," he _is_ , actually, but he's _also_ stubborn and, now that Tim's implying they should get some rest, he no longer wants to sleep.

Stubborn he may be, but Jay Merrick also can't resist the steady sounds of Tim's heart or the soothing way his hands move along Jay's scalp. He struggles for a moment, forcing his eyes to stay open as long as he can manage, but it's a futile fight. 

Jay falls asleep in Tim's arms, more comfortable than he's been in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look,,, they finally get to rest,,,, absolutely amazing of them,,,, 
> 
> honestly i was imagining them on the couch the whole time but considering how goddamn tall jay is that probably doesnt work too well sxnshs
> 
> questions will be answered eventually and plans will be remade, but for now they get a break


	20. What's New With the Crew (and What's Wrong with You)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls excuse this shit chapter i was experimenting w something and it didnt go well scnshs

Alex paces agitatedly across the floor of his living room. He got lucky and all of his roomates are gone for the night, meaning he got to bring the crew over for a planning session. "The crew" consists of Amy, Seth, Jessica, Sarah, and, obviously, Alex himself.

Everybody watches him warily as he continues to stomp tensely across the floor. 

Finally, he lets out a frustrated sigh and says, "We can't let this go on any longer! There's a goddamn line and they've crossed it about ten times already!" 

Jessica, calm as always, just rolls her eyes at him. "Well what do you propose we do about it? Ask them? You said that hasn't been too helpful."

"She's right, Alex," Amy says, "There's only so many times they can tell you to 'fuck off' before they finally get sick of it."

Alex clenches his jaw. That isn't the point! We won't be asking anyways, there are other ways of getting information."

"Are we criminals now then?" Seth scoffs, "Isn't that what we're accusing them of?"

Alex is obviously getting increasingly frustrated, jaw clenched so tightly it's a wonder he hasn't cracked it. "We're not doing anything illegal. We're simply... utilizing our resources."

Jessica sends him a suspicious glare. "What resources?" she asks.

Rather than answer, Alex simply sends her a bright grin and walks out the door.

"I'll follow," Jessica sighs. "The rest of you should stay here for now, I'll call you when I can."

She isn't quite sure where they're going, but eventually they make it to a small house that Alex says is Tim's. Jessica is led quietly around the side of the house until she and Alex can both hear talking from within the kitchen.

"This is your big idea?" Jessica hisses, "Eavesdrop?"

Alex doesn't even bother to look at her. "Shh, I'm trying to listen."

Tim is the first one she can hear speak. "You said 'I'm sorry' right before I passed out, what was that for?"

They hear somebody set something down and then jay starts talking, "I felt-- feel-- guilty about getting us in that position. If I hadn't froze up--"

"Froze up? You're the only one that actually got anything done!"

Jay is silent for a moment. 

"Yeah, maybe. Let me see your hand again."

Tim sighs like he's heard this a million times already, "The doctor already said there wasn't anything we could do about it now, Jay, let it rest."

Jay says a quiet "please?" and Jessica can almost feel the puppy eyes.

There's a pause before Tim sighs again. "Yeah, okay," he says.

shuffling can be heard as they (presumeable) adjust themselves so Jay can see Tim's hand/

"It looks a little better."

"No it doesn't."

"No it doesn't," Jay laughs. "I was trying to be positive."

Tim chuckles softly, obviously fond of Jay's attempted positivity. "I know."

Jay is quiet again for a long moment. "Do you think we'll be able to--"

"Yes," Tim iterrupts. "We have to." 

It just-- it feels like a lot," Jay's voice is muffled now, behind his hand or some fabric presumeably. "I don't know what to do anymore."

Tim sighs. "I know," he says, barely audible. "I-- I know."

"Do you think we should tell them?" Jay asks. Somebody is obviously tapping their nails against something, Jessica can hear the repetitive tap-tap-tap that she herself does when nervous.

There's another long pause. So long, in fact, Jessica thinks maybe they're done talking or they've caught her and Alex outside, but Tim continues on eventually.

"I think it's up to you," he asks. "Is keeping it a secret important to you?"

Jay sighs. "I don't know anymore. I feel bad that they're all so suspicious of you and I don't want them to not know what happened if we die, but I don't want them to worry either."

"I think they're going to worry either way-- they're already worried about you."

"Are they worried about me or are they worried about you?"

"What do you mean?" Tim asks. Jessica is glad, really, because she's kind of wondering too.

"Are they actually worried about me or are they only worried you're going to turn on them and they'll get hurt?" Jay asks. 

Tim sounds shocked when he says, "Of course they're actually worried about you, why wouldn't they be?" 

"I know Alex is-- he's always been like that-- but the others barely know me," Jay says, "why would they worry?"

"Maybe because Alex is their friend and he's worried? Sarah and Brian know you, they're worried."

Another, shorter this time, pause as Jay thinks this over.

Finally, he sighs. "Yeah, I guess so."

"No, not ' _I guess_ ,' they're worried, Jay."

Jay, however, is obviously done with the topic and goes to change the subject. "Yeah. Yeah, okay," he says. "Let me bandage your finger back up."

"Alright."

there's shuffling noises once again as Jay wraps a bandage around Tim's finger. The silence doesn't feel particularly uncomfortable, but it doesn't feel particularly comfortable either. Just silence.

Alex signals to Jessica that they're done here and they leave for the car, but not before she takes one last glimpse of the house. _What's going on?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> d. did u see i added the finished number of chapters,,, we're almost there yall,, so close,,, i hope u will not be disappointed with the ending bc u all seem to like it so far and i hope to keep up the record snxshs 
> 
> nyway!! sorry for how late ive been on this!! i started new meds a couple weeks ago and my sense of time was bad before u know but now its aalmost nonexistent like POOF i hadnt even realized its been like. what. this tueday will make 2 whole weeks of missed updates? wack. these meds suck tho like it wasnt even worth it
> 
> nyway nywho nyhow; im adding one more chapter after this just to make up for how shitty this one was and also. 2 chapters for 2 missed updates u know
> 
> im going through and writing the last like. 8 out now so there wont be any more issues w missing updates anymore and!! im working on another time travel fic,, slighttly different premise and nowhere near as long and... interesting as this mess has been but i like to spoil myself and this is the only way i know how
> 
> thank u all for sticking w me and my shitty updating schedule,, i love and appreciate all of u ur wonderful


	21. Thoughts of a Sinner (and a Saint Laid to Rest)

Jay's dealt with a lot of things over the past few years-- men without faces and attempts on his life aside-- but this feels like the most difficult decision by far.

It's hard to sit there and just let things happen, hard to let people think Tim is some closet ax-murderer trying to lure Jay into his lair or something, but he can't bring himself to confess to everybody either. They already think he's unstable, what will they think when he starts bringing up time travel and faceless beasts and codes and men in masks? They'll think he's even more unstable than they already do-- try to convince him to talk to a psychiatrist or something probably. Alex especially would be worried.

The light from the sunset shines across the floor in a line through the blinds he has up. It's nice, he thinks, a reminder of light even when the day is fading. Soon the moon will rise and light the sky in her own way-- too metaphorical, maybe, for this time of day, but Jay is in a metaphorical mood.

A knock on his door snaps him from his thoughts. he looks out the peephole and sees-- Brian? They've barely spoken since Jay got here, why is he here _now?_

So, when Jay answers, he says a surprised "Brian?" and waits for a response.

"Yeah," Brian, usually so confident, sounds nervous now. "Can I come in? I want to talk."

 _I want to talk_ is never a good thing, but Jay is nothing if not polite. "Yeah," he says. "Yeah, of course. Come in."

There's an awkward silence as they make their way to the couches. Jay offers Brian water and somehow isn't surprised when he refuses.

Finally, Brian sighs. "Look," he says, "I know you and Tim are hiding something-- I talked to him about it not too long ago-- and I won't ask you to tell me what it is, but I want you to promise me something."

"What is it?" Jay asks. What could Brian possibly want from _him?_

"Promise you'll take care of Tim for me?" Brian says it almost desperately, pleading. "Whatever you're doing-- he's like a brother to me, Jay. I can't lose him, not because the two of you were off doing something stupid."

"I'll do my best," Jay tries to keep his voice steady, but he can tell he's shaking. He'd been planning on doing this anyways-- keeping Tim safe is always his number one priority-- but something about promising it out loud makes the pressure harder to bear and Jay can feel himself buckling.

Obviously Brian doesn't notice, too caught up in current concerns to pick up on Jay's body language. "Your best isn't good enough, Jay," he snaps. "Look. I like you a lot-- I do. You're a good person at heart and I would like to think we're friends, but whatever Tim is hiding from me-- from the rest of us-- is tearing him apart and I can't stand by and let it happen without making sure somebody else can be there to look after him."

"I never said I wouldn't look after him," Jay says, "but I can't promise I'll be able to keep him safe or happy."

"Then what's the point? Why make you promise at all?"

"I don't know how much Tim told you, Brian," Jay says, voice still incredibly shaky, "but we're both in danger-- life or death kind of danger-- and I can't promise I'm going to make it out alive, but I'll do my damn best to make sure Tim does."

Brian must have finally noticed the trembling that Jay is doing or heard the stress and fear in his voice because suddenly he looks both guilty and terrified at the same time. "That isn't what I want," he says, voice firm.

"Then what _do_ you want?"

"I want you both _safe_ ," Brian says. "I want to know you're both going to be okay because I care about the two of you a lot. I don't want to hear that you might _die_ and you won't even tell me _why_."

Jay sighs, "It's complicated."

" _How_ complicated, Jay?" Brian snaps but lowers his voice when Jay flinches from the noise. "How complicated is it that you feel like you can't trust any of us?"

Before Brian is even done speaking, Jay is shaking his head. "I can't risk Tim's safety like that," he says. He _can't_ , either. This isn't just some lie to get Brian off of his back, Jay genuinely can't risk telling anybody just in case Tim has to pay for it-- has to lose himself once more to his masked counterpart.

" _Please_ ," Brian insists. "I am begging you, here and now, to just _tell me_ what the problem is. Let me help."

"I wish I could, Brian," and Jay _does_ kind of wish that, "I really do, but I can't. Tim's life means more to me than you wanting to know and, even if it didn't, telling you would make you a target too and I just can't risk it-- not now and not ever."

"And I'm telling you to let me take that risk-- I'm an _adult_ , Jay, I can make my own decisions. Let me make them, tell me what's wrong. Please."

"I thought you said you wouldn't make me," Jay scoffs.

"Because I thought this was just some weird bonding thing or _stick it to the man_ rebellion," Brian is sure to keep his voice level, but Jay can still hear notes of anger and worry behind it, "not life or death danger. I can't just leave it alone when you told me you could _die_ , Jay."

"You can, actually."

"I can't," now rather than angry, Brian sounds pleading. "I really can't, Jay. I can't lose anybody-- not you, not Tim. Don't make me go through that."

"I'll tell you someday, Brian," Jay finally sighs, "but not today. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Jay--"

" _Please_."

Okay," Brian says, "okay then. Stay safe, Jay. For me-- for Tim?"

"I'll try."


	22. The World May Have Ended Once (Though Only in My Head)

The trees of the park are weirdly calming to Tim-- despite the bad memories he has of them (or lack of memories thereof), Rosswood is quiet and it makes a nice place to sort through his thoughts. More specifically, his thoughts about Jay.

There are many thoughts he has about Jay; ranging from absolute adoration to concern to vague annoyance. Jay is concerning, though, above all else.

Tim _knows_ Jay has been having issues with things that aren't there, hears him talk to himself sometimes, or sees the faces he makes like he's mid-argument with somebody else (though the second is admittedly less weird considering how fast Jay's thoughts seem to run). 

A woman's voice interrupts his musings.

"What are you doing here?" It's Jessica. Something in Tim aches at seeing her-- happy and without the taint of the faceless man overhead.

"Walking," he responds, stopping to let her catch up.

Jessica elbows him playfully for it. She doesn't hostile like Alex, but there's something about her that lets Tim know she's still suspicious of him.

"Seems like a bit more than walking," she says finally. "What's on your mind, man?"

Tim pauses, unsure what to say exactly. There's only really one thing on his mind, though, and he may as well be straightforward with it. "Jay," he avoids looking her in the eyes, but, surprisingly enough, doesn't feel her suspicions come to the surface the way Alex's so obviously do.

"Well what about Jay?" she asks.

"I'm worried about him-- worried he's gonna get himself killed."

Jessica hums, "Are you worried?"

"Yes," Tim blinks, surprised, at her, "why wouldn't I-- Oh. You think I'm out to get him or something, right?"

"Well," she says, "there sure are an awful lot of coincidences going on. You and Jay seem to always be involved somehow. Wouldn't you be suspicious if you were me?"

"i-- yeah, I get it, alright?" Tim snaps, speeding up a little bit so he doesn't have to feel bad for not looking her in the eyes when he says it. "I get where you're coming from, but it's wrong and I'm not-- I would never do that to him."

Jessica lengthens her strides to match his easily, intent keeping up the conversation. "Are you expecting me to take you at your word then?" she side-eyes him, "What proof do you have that you don't plan to slit his throat in his sleep or something?"

"I love him."

"You love him?"

"I do," and Tim knows it's true-- he's loved Jay for a long time now.

"People have killed over love before," Jessica says after some time of them walking in silence, "that doesn't prove anything."

"Well," Tim sighs, frustrated, "I don't know what to tell you, then, besides that I really don't mean to get him hurt."

Jessica grabs his sleeve and stops them in place. She takes a long moment to study Tim's face and he tries to show only sincerity on it-- somehow prove his love for Jay through expression alone.

"So, you really mean it?" she asks.

"I don't want to see him get hurt."

She lets go of his sleeve and says softly, "I believe you."

"Thank you," Tim says.

"I'm sorry for being so doubtful." She seems to genuinely mean it, vaguely regretful look on her face.

"No reason to be sorry," Tim reassures her, "It _does_ look pretty suspicious without context."

After a moment of Tim refusing to elaborate on his own, Jessica asks, "So, what _is_ the context?"

"Nothing I'm willing to share."

"Fine," Jessica play elbows him again. "Don't tell me, then, that would ruin the fun of trying to figure it out on my own."

Tim stops them again, waiting for her to turn and look at him. "Don't," he says firmly. "This isn't something you need to be looking into. You'll get yourself killed."

"By who?" Jessica scoffs. " _You_? I think I could manage you in a fight."

"If it was _me_ you had to worry about, I wouldn't bother warning you," he starts walking again, stomping his way through the plants that hadn't done anything to him but just happen to be in the way when he was feeling less-than-careful. "No, it's something else."

"Some _thing_?" 

Shit. Tim hadn't expected her to pick up on that and hadn't even really meant to say it like that in the first place. 

"It doesn't matter, Jessica," he snaps, "just drop it."

"Well I don't know if I _want_ to anymore," she says. He knows she means it by the firm set of her jaw and the determined way she holds herself. She's stubborn like that.

"Please," Tim says. "For your sake and mine, it's better if you just let this go."

"Will you ever tell me what that means?"

"I don't know. That depends on if I make it through this or not."

Tim turns when he hears Jessica's footsteps silence behind him. Her eyes are wide in shock and she continuously opens and closes her mouth like she's trying to say something but just can't.

Finally, she says, " _Your_ life is in danger too?"

" _What_?" Tim can't help but laugh. That's what she had been so shocked about? "Did you think it was only after Jay?"

Jessica quickly composes herself, returns to her determined stance, and says, "I don't know what to think, Tim. You haven't given me shit for answers."

Tim sighs. "Yes," he says, "it's after me too. It's after Jay. It's after me. It's after everybody who poses a threat and, if you keep asking questions, you're gonna be added to that list."

"All you're doing is making me want to know more," she huffs. "I think I can handle myself well enough in a fight."

"Not this kind of fight," Tim shakes his head gently.

"What does that even _mean_?" she snaps. " _This_ kind of fight? What kind of fight is _this_?"

"One you won't be able to win."

Jessica clenches and unclenches her jaw, breathing deeply through her nose. 

"Fine," she says after a long few seconds of silence. "I'll leave it alone for now. I need to go back home anyways."

"Good," Tim says. "Okay."

"I'll see you around," and, with that, she brushes past him on her way out of the trees.

"Yeah," Tim mumbles to the air. "See you around."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here is the official tuesday update sdbsn it is. 6 am. i have not slept in 24 hours. i am off to babysit pls excuse any errors until i have time to properly work through them when im. yknow. awake


	23. A Betrayal in Summer (Still Bleeds the Waters Red)

Jessica Locke loves a good mystery, but there's something that makes her feel like she's a bit over her head here.

Tim and Jay both seem to trust each other and care about each other a lot. Jessica wants to trust them too, she _does_ , but they won't tell anybody anything. They have a right to their privacy and all, but both of their lives are at stake here-- she thinks maybe that's reason enough to start prying.

It's a slippery slope, though. How much does she push? How much does she keep to herself or tell Alex? At what point does it become overbearing?

There's a lot to consider, but the main thing is this; should she tell Alex what she knows so far or should she bring the investigation team to Jay and Tim's attention?

Telling Alex would mean more investigation which might lead to more answers. It's less time she'll have for other things, but the curiosity is enough that she doesn't mind losing her already limited free time to something like this. Alex will have plenty for everybody to do, she's sure, and he'll appreciate the information a lot.

Telling Jay and Tim could mean gaining their trust, though. What better way to get answers than by being trusted with them? No more out of context conversations or being left in the dark, just answers to questions she's been asking since she met them.

Of course, that's only a possibility. They may just thank her and be on their way without sharing so much as another name.

How frustrating, she thinks, to know you probably won't get answers either way.

So instead of focusing on the pros and cons of telling them, she focuses on who she's telling.

Really, it's down mostly to Alex Kralie and Jay Merrick-- the investigation team doesn't count and she gets the feeling that Tim is only here because of Jay.

On one hand, Alex is Amy's boyfriend and Amy is Jessica's best friend. It would probably be rude not to tell your best friend's boyfriend something he really wanted to know. Besides, she knows Alex better than she does Jay and that counts for something. 

On the other hand, Jay Merrick has the kind of face that reminds Jessica somewhat of a kicked puppy-- sad and confused and scared of you kicking him again. She has a hard time saying no to animals and children, Jay Merrick just happens to remind her of the first one.

Yet again, no clear winner has come forth and Jessica sighs.

She should probably just sleep on it, make a decision in the morning when she's had coffee and time to think this through. Jessica knows herself well enough, though, to know that if she doesn't decide now she won't decide at all.

Groaning, she rolls over onto her stomach and opens the contacts on her phone. It's late, and there's a chance this call won't be answered, but it's also the best shot Jessica has a coming to a logical conclusion.

It rings a couple of times and then a sleepy voice picks up on the other end. _"Hello? Jessica? What are you calling this late for?"_

"Sorry, Meg," she says, guiltily looking at the clock. Jessica had known it was late but not quite _that_ late and she hadn't even accounted for the change in timezone.

 _"It's no problem,"_ Meg yawns. _"What did you need?"_

"I have this friend," Jessica starts, "er-- two friends, actually. I have something I need to tell them, one thing per friend, but I can only pick one to tell and I'm not sure which one."

_"Well, what are these things you need to tell them?"_

"One friend is investigating the other without him knowing, and the other is in life-threatening danger and won't tell the first friend."

 _"Then it's up to morals, I guess,"_ Meg says finally. _"Are you against stalking? Then tell the friend being investigated. Are you a strong advocate for helping people with or without them asking? Tell the friend doing the investigating."_

"And what if I agree with both of those points?"

_"Which one do you agree with more?"_

Jessica chews gently on her bottom lip. Meg has always been helpful with things like this and she knows her sister has a point. 

So, Jessica sighs and says, "Thank you. I love you."

 _"I love you too,"_ Meg laughs. _"Good luck with your little dilemma-- I'm sure you'll figure it out."_

"I will," agrees Jessica. "I have."

_"Good. I'll call you when it's actually a decent hour for both of us, okay?"_

"Yeah," Jessica smiles. "I'll talk to you then. Bye."

_"Bye."_

There's a _click_ as the line hangs up and Jessica feels herself relax. She knows what to do now.

It's still a long way to go until morning and she can feel the impatience building, but she takes a deep, steady breath and calms herself.

Nothing to do now but wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jessica has. an older sister now bc she needed to talk to somebody. they get along pretty well and meg will have no further relevance beyond this point


	24. May I Have Regrets (but be They not My Own)

By the time the sun finlly shines through her curtains, Jessica is pacing in front of her table, eyeing the cellphone on it warily. There's really only one thing to do and she isn't sure why she's so hesitatnt to do it, but she steels herself and listens to the line ring.

 _"Hello?"_ comes Tim Wright's still half-asleep voice from the other end.

Jessica taps her foot nervously. Once. Twice.

"I need to tell you guys something."

_"What is it?"_

"Not-- I doubt it matters, really," she says, "but I feel like I should tell you face-to-face."

 _"Okay,"_ Tim says, _"we'll be right over."_

"Okay, see you then."

The waiting is hell. There's too much time between the call and the inevitable knock on her door that Jessica swears time slowed down on purpose to keep her in suspense.

When that knock finally comes, Jessica can't help the sigh of relief.

"Come in," she says when she opens the door. "Sit down."

Once they're all seated at the dining room table and Jay has a hot cup of coffee in his hands, Jessica starts.

"It's not--" she struggles with finding a good way to phrase this "-- I guess it's not important, but you should be careful what you say."

"What?" Jay sounds concerned, "Why?"

Jessica taps her fingers against the table. "Alex recruited some of us-- Sarah, Seth, Amy, and I-- to help 'investigate' you. He's worried. He wants to know what's going on and none of us know what to tell him, you know?"

"What does he know so far?" Tim asks.

"Not much," she admits. "He's too focused on trying to prove you guilty to pay attention to any _actual_ clues."

Jay takes a drink of his coffee and then sets the cup back down. A distraction, she assumes. 

"And you're not?" he finally asks, playing with the brim of his cap, pulling it down to cover his face.

"I know you're both in danger. I know I want to help."

"And...?" Jay prompts.

"And I know it has to do with Alex."

Tim and Jay both freeze but Tim is the first to speak. "How--"

"What else do you have in common?" Jessica asks. "You both just know each other through Alex, right?"

There's a pause. Neither man answers her, just looks away which, really, is an answer in and of itself.

 _"Right?"_ she figures asking one more time can't hurt.

Jay sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's... complicated," he says. 

"You guys can't just keep using that as an explanation for everything!" Jessica snaps. This is getting frustrating, being talked around in circles with the same goddamn argument over and over again. " _What's_ complicated? What's going on?"

"Nothing we can tell you about--"

 _God_ , she's had enough of this. " _Why?_ Because you're worried you're gonna put me in danger? Who gave you the right to make that choice for me?"

Jessica is so genuinely _sick_ of being treated like a child. As much as she thinks she did the right thing by going to Jay and Tim about Alex, she can't stand this stupid protective parents routine they keep pulling.

Tim's voice is firm when he starts, "We're trying to protect--"

"Then maybe give us all the information we need to protect ourselves. you aren't some guard dogs I bought to keep my house safe, you're _human_ and you need to take a break sometimes."

Jay sits up straighter. "I--"

"If you're going to argue, I don't want to hear it."

Rather than start his point back up, Jay just sighs and says, "Can Tim and I talk about this first?"

"As much as I wish I could," Jessica says, "I can't actually _make_ you tell us anything. Talk it over, see what you both think."

"I'm sorry, Jessica," Jay says, quietly.

"Save it for Alex," she gives him her best disappointed look to get the point across. " _He's_ the one you should be apologizing to, he's worried beyond belief."

"I'm sure it's not--" Jay starts to protest.

Tim and Jessica cut him off simultaneously. "It is," they say.

Without giving Jay another chance to deny it, Tim says, "He's _worried_ , Jay."

Jessica nods."You need to talk to him. Even if you can't say what's going on, it might help just to talk things out. He just wants to know you're okay."

"Yeah," Jay sighs. "I guess you're right. I'll talk to him."

"Thank you," Jessica smiles.

"Of course."

Tim, obviously done here, starts getting his stuff-- keys and wallet, basically-- and asks, "Now that we've had this.... wonderful talk, are we good to leave?"

"Yeah," Jessica says. "Whatever. Just let me know when you decide."

"Yeah," Tim waves over his shoulder as he walks out the door, obviously in a hurry of some kind, "we will."

Jay stays behind, though, and Jessica watches him awkwardly shuffle his feet.

"Look," he says, "I'm--"

"If you're going to apologize again, don't. Just-- go. Talk to each other," She smiles as patiently as she can, tries to ease the apparent fear in his eyes. "Let me know what's up."

"Okay, we will. See you later, Jessica."

"See you soon, Jay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everybody its been a few weeks cnshs uh. yeah at first i was just really depressed and then i. forgot to update if that makes sense? i have the chapters written ig brain just. forgot they needed to be posted to im sorry sxnshsh 
> 
> the next few chapters really arent super long but we're in the final stretch now and im half-rushing through it and half-dreading finishing it so its like some weird purgatory of uh. some of them are written but theyre not super long and some arent written at all and som are started but i cant get them above 300 words sngshs 
> 
> writing is hard


	25. This Could be a Start (or it May be the End)

Tim watches Jay pace from his spot against the wall. It's agitating and he wants to grab his-- what? Friend? Boyfriend?-- and shake him by the shoulders. This isn't something to be worked up about and, to be completely honest, Tim is kind of sick of seeing people pace anyways.

He would rather not speak first, though, doesn't want to take the responsibility of being rational quite yet.

Jay doesn't take long to break under that pressure. 

" _Well_?" he asks finally spinning to look at Tim. "What do we do, Tim? We can't just _tell_ them!"

"Why not?" Tim responds. It's a question he's been considering for the entire time he's known Jay in the past; why _can't_ they tell anybody?

This question must strike a nerve with Jay because he immediately looks about ten times more agitated than he did before.

"You _know_ why-- they'll get _killed_ , Tim. I can't have their blood on my hands. Can you?"

Tim tenses, but doesn't change his tone of voice because he doesn't want to give himself away emotionally quite yet. "In my experience," he says, "leaving people in the dark ends up killing them more than telling them the truth does."

"And what experience is that?" Jay asks, eyebrow raised incredulously.

" _You_ , " Tim says. "I lied to you when I said I didn't know what happened to Jessica and I kept the tape from you-- if I hadn't done that, if I had just _told_ you--"

"What?" Jay scoffs. "I would've listened?"

"I don't know, okay?" Tim snaps. "I don't know, but if I had just _shown_ you the tape and told you she was okay, maybe things would've been fine."

"Or maybe they would've been worse," Jay counters, "We don't have time for this."

"You're not surprised?"

"No," Jay sighs, "Of course not, Tim."

"I--" Tim cuts himself off. They have bigger things to worry about now. "Later."

"Later" agrees Jay.

Tim purses his lips in thought. There's only so many ways this could go: they tell everybody the truth, tell everybody half-truths, or don't tell anybody anything. Personally, Tim likes the first option. There's less sneaking around and less distraction over who knows what or who they have to worry about keeping tabs on. 

He knows what Jay wants, though-- to keep everything as secret as possible. Do they have the time for that, though? Do they have time to worry about everybody else when they should be worrying about how to fix this mess? 

Jay seems to have come to the same conclusion because he heaves a full-body sigh and collapses onto a nearby chair.

"I don't have a choice, do I?" he says.

"You always have a choice."

"Doesn't feel like it," Jay looks up at Tim through his bangs. "Think we could get away with waiting a couple of days?"

Tim sighs, making his way to stand directly in front of Jay. "I think it would be better if we did this _now_ , but you can take as long as you need, Jay."

Jay leans his head against Tim's chest and nods. "I don't want anybody to get hurt."

"I know."

There's silence for a minute and then Jay leans his head back. "Can I kiss you?" he asks.

"Yeah," says Tim, "anytime."

They don't _quite_ kiss at first, just lean against each other, but eventually Jay does sit up straighter and push his lips against Tim's. There's no goodbye or apology in this kiss, no rushed _I thought I was going to lose you_ , only _I love you_. 

They don't need anything more right now, though, just each other and the hope that this will all be over soon.

When they pull away, it's only slightly. Their foreheads still stay pressed together. 

"I love you," Tim whispers. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Jay says.

Tim doesn't push on the _I love you_ , he knows it's there without Jay having to say it. He leans back in to give Jay one last kiss and sighs. They have a lot to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i promise im still alive but. motivation to actually write this fic died quite a few chapters ago and at this point its all. i dunno. theres only a few more chapters left to write and the plan is to finish them all by monday or tuesday and be done with it sxnshs as much as i have. appreciated all of you being here through this, im ready to finish yknow? 
> 
> nyway. love yall, see u whenever i get the energy to actually. finish the last 3 chapters


	26. Truth Once Spoken (Can Never be Unheard)

Alex sits on the edge of his bed, hunched over and head in his hands. 

_Time travel_ , he thinks, _fucking time travel._

Jay and Tim had gathered the whole group-- him and Jessica and Amy and Brian and Seth and Sarah-- to tell them what sounded like the most _ridiculous_ tale he'd ever heard, but--

But it all makes sense. Everything makes so much more sense now. The weird relationship between Jay and Tim-- dating!-- the secrets, the blind trust; it all does a good job confirming what Alex had been told.

It's a lot to process, though. A lot to work through when it feels so-- so-- out of nowhere. 

He wants Jay back. His Jay not this older, more weathered version of somebody who used to be his friend.

Speak of the devil... Alex watches Jay walk into the room and sit next to him on the bed.

"Tim told me I should give you some time," he says after a moment of silence, "I know-- _knew_ \-- you better than that. What's wrong?"

There's no easy way to say this, no easy way to tell your brother in all but blood that you want the younger, more trusting version of him back, but he's gotta try. 

"I miss you," Alex sighs, slouching even further downwards. "I miss-- you. _You_ you, y'know? The Jay _I_ know, not the one that I-- apparently-- try to kill. It's... too much."

"I'm still _Jay_ , Alex. I didn't suddenly become a new person, I'm me. Just... with some more baggage."

And, yeah, that's fair. Jay is still _Jay_ \-- always, fundamentally, Jay-- but it feels wrong somehow. What happened to the Jay that was here before? Is he still here somewhere? Dead? Did he trade places with the Jay that's here now?

Rather than ask this out loud, he just leans against Jay and sighs again.

Jay leans against Alex in return, an old habit from high school.

"Do you remember," Jay starts, "back in elementary school-- third grade I think-- when my parents went out of town?"

"Yeah," Alex laughs softly, "you got to stay the whole week at my house."

"you were really excited about that," he hears Jay say quietly beside him, "but I started crying--" he sniffs loudly "-- 'cause I missed them so much."

"Why bring this up now, Jay?" 

He hears the quiet "because I miss you" and breaks. Jay is still Jay, will always be Jay, and right now he needs Alex's help.

Alex turns himself just enough that he can pull Jay into a tight hug-- partly for himself, to remind him that yes Jay is real, and partly because he knows the pressure will ground Jay.

Jay immediately collapses onto Alex, sobbing. "I'm sorry," he manages through the tears. "I missed you."

"It's okay," Alex says, "It'll be okay."

He isn't sure how long they sit there for, but eventually Jay's sobs slow to a halt and it falls silent between them. Neither of them makes a move to break away from the hug, just content to sit in the quiet and hold each other.

"I missed you," Jay says again after a few minutes. "There was a lot that happened while Tim and I were investigating, and for so much of it, I missed _you_. Tim is wonderful and I love him so much, I do, but he never understood how to help the way you always did."

"Couldn't tell by looking at the two of you," Alex chuckles, "he's good for you. I'm glad you had him."

"Me too."

They lapse once again into silence.

"So," Alex says suddenly, pulling back and flashing Jay a teasing grin. "You and Tim?"

"God," groans Jay, "don't start."

"I'm not starting anything," Alex says.

" _Sure_."

The attitude isn't quite the same as before-- there's a bit of strain being put on their relationship right now, obviously, and there isn't going to be that same feeling as before this-- but Alex can tell Jay appreciates the fall back into normal banter for a moment. 

"We should go," Jay says finally, "back to the others. We need to plan our next move."

"Yeah," Alex brushes his pants off as he stands, "let's go."


	27. A New Plan is Made (May it not End in Blood)

The group gathers once again at Alex's place-- it seems to have become the best spot for impromptu meetings-- and waits. After both Jay and Alex disappeared into a nearby room, they had all fallen into a bit of awkward silence. 

Tim feels himself shift a bit, hoping Jay will make a return soon. He doesn't know where to go from here-- not that Jay probably does either, but having him nearby will make everything go a bit smoother because everybody in this room likes Jay and he's good at being a mediator when he needs to. Jessica may end up the mediator this time around, though, all things considered. She's also very good at that from what Tim remembers. Not that he actually remembers a lot, but that's not really the point.

After what feels like forever, Jay and Alex come back. Both men have obviously been crying, but nobody says anything about it, not wanting to intrude too much on their personal business.

"So," Jay clears his throat roughly, "are we all... good?"

It's not an easy question to answer, but they all nod anyways. No reason to worry about what is and isn't okay right now when they're all apparently in danger from an eldritch-type abomination.

"You need a plan?" Brian is the first of the past-- present?-- group to speak up. "Because I might have one."

Jay and Tim share a glance, but figure it's worth hearing out. 

"Yeah," Tim says, "go ahead."

Brian stands a bit straighter, face more serious than usual, and Tim is reminded vaguely of the future version of his best friend-- stoic and good at his job, almost the opposite of the Brian he was used to. 

"So, you said this think fucks with electricity, right?" Brian waits for them to nod their confirmation before saying, "Electrocute the bastard then."

Tim blinks, taken aback. There's not much foundation for this plan, but considering that the only plan he and Jay could come up with didn't work, there's probably no harm in trying. Besides, obviously, the risk of turning into the thing's pawns again.

It's a risk they'll have to take, though.

"How do we do that?" Jay asks.

"Well," Brian smiles brightly again, apparently excited about the idea of fighting this thing, "I was fucking around with this cool lighter and a pair of gloves, right? I got it to shock things. Now, that won't be enough energy to do much damage to the bastard, but it's a start to finding something that will be enough."

That really isn't an awful idea and Tim feels bad for ever doubting Brian could come up with something. It was probably dumb to assume that just because Brian is constantly joking around and acting like an idiot it means he is one. He's not and Tim feels stupid for thinking he was.

"That's a good idea," Jay says. He looks proud of Brian and determined to see this plan through to the end. Tim thinks maybe Jay would see any plan through right now, though, and he can't say he disagrees. 

"Just to be sure," Tim begins, "nobody has any objections to this plan?"

Nobody voices any disagreements, so he takes it that they're all comfortable going through with it.

With that settled, Jay starts planing. "There should be two groups," he says. "One led by me and another led by Tim. Usually, I wouldn't suggest splitting up but there's a few of us and we might have a better chance if one team attacks and the other works to lure it out."

"I'll lead the attack team," Tim continues. "We can't know for sure who it'll go after first, but if we time it right then we should manage well enough. I want Brian, Alex, and Jessica to go with me-- you're all the best for this group, I think. If you disagree, please speak up."

Nobody disagrees and so Jay takes his turn speaking once again. "That means Seth, Sarah, and Amy-- you're all with me. Our group will go in first and walk ahead. Hopefully with us in there first, it's attention will be focused on us instead of the attack group."

Sarah is the first person to speak up with a question, arms crossed and foot tapping nervously against the carpet. "What if it attacks the wrong group?"

Tim is the one to answer, "Then the other group will be ahead of us and can attack it from behind instead of worrying about a head-on attack."

She nods but still looks unconvinced.

"You don't have to do this," Jay reassures her. "None of you do. It's not your mess to clean up, it's ours," he gestures between Tim and himself for emphasis. 

Despite her earlier hesitance, Sarah shakes her head. "I'm not leaving you all to do this on your own," she says. "What kind of friend would I be if I let you all take on a monster without me?"

"A smart one," laughs Amy.

"Much smarter than the rest of us," agrees Jessica. "We're all risking our lives on a bet here, nobody would blame you for dropping out."

Again, Sarah shakes her head. "Not happening," she says.

It makes Tim warm in that good kind of way to realize that, as worried as he is about them dying, his friends are willing to put their lives on the line for him. He hadn't considered anybody but Jay a friend when they first landed in this time, but, now, seeing all of these people surrounding him and helping plan a way to kill a seemingly-invulnerable creature with him makes him feel like maybe he was wrong about Jay being his only friend.

Almost as if reading his mind, Jay says, "I'm glad we have all of you." He's obviously trying to keep from crying again, barely succeeding in holding back. "You're all good, wonderful people and if anything happens out there just know that I love you all."

Nobody says anything for a minute, shocked from the sudden shift in tone. Then, Alex claps his hands together, catching the room's attention. "So," he asks, "what do we need?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i got. some things done tune in eventually for the ending <3 
> 
> the glove brian mentions is. a real thing here's the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2Cl-XiLzLk


	28. A Conversation Between Friends (a Meeting Between Family)

Jessica has never felt quite so nervous in her life. It's one thing to talk about running head-first into the woods so you can confront something that's apparently been stalking and hurting your friends, it's another to actually be getting ready to do it.

She stares blankly at the rubber gloves covering her hands and sighs. Working with electricity is a first for her--- not that she hasn't had wiring issues before, but she usually calls her sister or dad to come to help out-- and the fact that she's wielding it as a weapon makes it even more intimidating.

"Hey," Jay sits down on the floor across from her, donned with his own rubber gloves and hose-like weapon. She isn't sure what Brian made them out of exactly, but, from the lengthy list of supplies he gave earlier, she's not sure she would have understood if he told her.

"Hey yourself," she finally answers, smiling exhaustedly.

"Are you alright?"

She debates lying for a quick moment-- it's easy to say you're fine when you're not-- but there isn't much point in keeping things to yourself when you're about to go on what could be a suicide mission.

"I'm scared," she admits. "This whole thing--" her hands gesture vaguely around the room "-- is so new and terrifying. I don't know how to handle it."

Jay hums in agreement and she realizes he wasn't paying attention to her answer. Not on purpose, she knows, he's been stuck in his own head a lot lately and hasn't been paying much attention to anyone.

Jessica wonders if maybe he'd be better off staying home. Not that he would agree to it, but he can barely focus as it is, he could just prove to be a liability to the group instead of an asset. Tim and Jay both would disagree with that, though, so she cuts herself off right there.

Instead, she waves a hand to get Jay's attention again and asks, "Are you okay?"

He hesitates, looking vaguely like a deer caught in headlights, before answering. "No, not really," he looks away from her, watches the others prepare themselves to leave. "I will be once this is over, but not right now."

"Well then," she says, "let's hope this ends soon."

Before Jay can respond, there's a loud static sound and Jessica instinctively claps her hands over her ears. The noise doesn't quiet, though, if anything it seems to get even louder. She looks around at everybody else and sees them all sporting the same pained look she's probably wearing-- all except Jay and Tim, that is.

Tim appears to be unruffled but has an open pill bottle in his hand. Jay on the other hand is seizing on the floor. It's nothing like she's seen him do before and she doesn't know what to do.

Seth, however, obviously does because he practically launches himself across the room towards Jay, ignoring the noise that must still be turning his brain to mush like it is everybody else's. 

"Jessica," he says urgently, "hand me your coat."

Jessica obeys the order almost instantly, dully noting the static ring start to fade out.

Her coat is folded neatly and placed under Jay's head, cushioning it a bit from the floor it was on previously. Other than that and writing something on his arm in sharpie, Seth doesn't do much of anything about Jay's seizure.

Tim offers his medicine, but Seth tells him it's probably best they wait it out now since he's not sure if he could get any pills down Jay's throat without choking him at this point.

So, they wait. The seizing stops eventually and Seth gently maneuvers Jay into something he calls the "recovery position." Sarah talks to him the whole time, gently brushing the hair from his face while both Tim and Alex pace the room agitatedly.

Jay is awake-- how he is, Jessica has no clue; seizures look absolutely exhausting-- but blank-faced. He keeps his attention solely on Sarah and Jessica begins to realize that maybe something is wrong.

Tim must realize it at the same time because he suddenly tells everybody to back off. Sarah does but Seth refuses, glaring stubbornly back until Tim relents.

"He's not Jay right now," Tim explains. 

"Well then who is he?" demands Alex sharply. 

Jay-- not Jay?-- chirps gently from his spot on the floor, sitting up slowly to get more on their eye-level.

Nobody is quite sure how to respond and Not Jay chirps again, louder this time, before frustratedly making a grab for Seth's sharpie. He's quick and the sharpie is in his hands before they even notice he's done anything, but he doesn't make to do anything with it really.

Seth holds out his arm-- the opposite from the one he had been writing on earlier-- and Not Jay grins brightly. He scribbles on it for a bit and Seth hums every once in a while or asks for clarification, but, finally, they finish.

"It says its name is The Messenger and it would like to know its orders."

Tim purses his lips, thinking. Jessica can tell he isn't interested in having an argument right now, but he doesn't want to just let this go either and let this Messenger stay with them instead of Jay.

They don't have much choice, though, or much time and so he sighs.

"Messenger, right?"

It makes another noise-- not quite a chirp, but something Jessica can still place as similar to a bird-- that sounds vaguely like a confirmation.

"I need you to lead these three--" Tim points to Seth, Sarah, and Amy-- "to your boss, you got that?"

Another confirming noise from Messenger who stands up fully to grab Seth's hand and walk him to Tim.

"Not me," Tim sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, "the tall one."

Messenger freezes momentarily but nods warily at the correction. It doesn't look happy about the orders, but willing to follow at least.

Sarah and Amy are out the door first, calling after them for Seth and Messenger to follow.

The plan has been thrown off a bit, but, hopefully, this will give them a bit of an advantage over the creature.

She sighs before exiting the door after Tim, Alex and Brian. This is going to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skully is a friend now <3


	29. We Fight to Survive (but How Do You Make it Out Alive)

Tim stands barely outside the forest of Rosswood park once more, tense. He doesn't want to be here-- doesn't want to be away from Messenger for a second-- but he has a job to do and, if it works, he won't have to worry about Jay losing out to Messenger anymore.

His eyes shift to Brian every once in a while. He knows Brian was the one in the hood, but he hasn't shown any signs of transforming into that quite yet. There has to be a reason, Tim knows-- maybe Jay was the target specifically or maybe it is the hooded man just pretending to be Brian-- but whatever it is evades him for now.

There's a burst of static from his radio-- some Alex had laying around for one reason or another-- and Seth's voice comes over the line. "We're ready for you to follow up," he says.

Tim sends back a quiet "okay" and nods the others forward.

It's dark out, much later than he would like it to be, but he wants to get this over with now and isn't willing to wait until morning. That doesn't mean, of course, that Tim isn't terrified. There's a lot that could go wrong tonight and the consequences of that don't just include him and Jay anymore.

They're not particularly quiet. Anybody out here would know it was a group of people running around out here for no apparent reason, but the sound of Messenger's group ahead of them keeps them on track to where they're supposed to be going.

When the static starts up, everybody is ready. 

"To your left!" shouts Jessica suddenly. Tim dodges out of the way of the thing's arm, feeling the air whoosh by as it barely misses him. The physical attacks are a new development and Tim hopes that means they're right about the weapons.

There isn't even time to think as Tim is forced to, once again, dodge out of the way of an attack. Brian stands over him at some point and hits the damn thing with one end of their stick-like weapons-- "Electricity swords," Brian had grinned earlier, running some metal through with some wire or other and fashioning makeshift hilts from old bits of hose-- the thing screams in what Tim assumes is pain before flashing rapidly in and out of existence. 

It stabilizes itself again and somehow the attacks are more brutal than ever. Tim feels himself get slammed into the ground by his neck-- one of its ridiculously long arms wrapped around him like a vice-- and sees the others in similar positions. Jessica is pinned against a tree by her waist, weapon dropped to the ground a few feet away. Brian and Alex are each barely holding their own against the waves upon waves of appendages after them.

He wonders, momentarily, where the others are. Did Not Jay-- Messenger-- betray them? Were they hurt or dead? Or did he get them to safety once he heard the confrontation? With the way his vision is fading now, Tim isn't sure he'll ever find out.

With the last of his strength, Tim pulls at the thing holding him down-- hoping, maybe, for some breathing room at the very least. He gets it, jumps back as far as he can, and gasps in as many breaths as he can manage before he steps back into the fight.

As he's gearing up to go help Jessica escape her own trap, there's a loud whistling from above that stops them all-- the man in the suit included-- in their tracks.

It's Jay-- Not fully Jay now but no longer fully Messenger either-- hair a mess and eyes bright with some mix of adrenaline and relief and terror. Tim can only watch as his boyfriend jumps directly onto the thing's face. 

There's a loud scream from both as the electricity does it's job. Both Jay and the thing flicker in and out of existence-- not fully coming back or leaving for long. 

Tim makes eye contact with a hunched over Jessica and they both seem to come to the same conclusion. They jump forwards and stab the thing too, hoping maybe to end this quickly and get Jay out of there.

This must do something because suddenly the thing is fully gone and Jay is falling to the ground from where he was originally using its face as a platform.

Seth and Sarah both run into view moments after Jay hits the ground with a loud thump. 

"Amy went to get some help," Seth explains, "I only have a little bit of training, and once I heard the screaming I knew there wasn't much I could do."

Sarah is the opposite of Seth's miraculously calm demeanor, sobbing and staring guiltily at Jay. "He just left," she cried, "he ran off and he didn't say where he was going or what he was doing, I'm so sorry--"

"It's not your fault," Jessica says, "he'll be alright. Seth is taking care of him until the professionals get here and they'll do what they can-- he'll be fine."

Seth smiles at her gently when Sarah looks to him for confirmation. "I can't move him because I don't want to risk it if he has a spinal injury, but everything I can check seems to be in okay shape--if a little banged up."

Tim sits by Jay's side for the however long it takes the paramedics to arrive. He insists on riding in the ambulance with Jay. They were tricked into thinking they'd been successful once, he can't risk being away too long in case it's a trick again.

"I'll see you at the hospital," he says to the group right before the ambulance doors slam shut.

He thinks he hears Alex say "keep him safe," back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy i am. alive maybe. idk how long its been actually time has really just been one big blur lately and im not even sure what tpdays date is yknow? school started and ive been. busy. but in good news, this fic is finally complete. the ending is. rushed and not that good bc i cant write action to save my life but hey this is the first time ive ever finished a multichapter fic so good on me ig 
> 
> stay safe everybody


	30. Chapter 30

Jay is bored with hospital food. It's gross and has weird textures he isn't a fan of, but the doctors and nurses all insist he eats it instead of the fast-food Tim brings in.

"Doctor's orders," Tim will say when Jay asks him to share, grinning like the Chesire Cat, "if they say no fast-food, well, then, who am I to tell them otherwise?"

He thinks maybe this is punishment for being so reckless, but he doesn't know quite how to say that he didn't exactly do it on purpose. So, he suffers through the light-hearted teasing of his boyfriend and wonders when exactly his life got to be so calm that he can think the word boyfriend and not go on a month-long monologue about whether he's reading too much into things.

Tim isn't allowed to stay overnight, which Jay hates. The hospital feels cold and empty-- too much like the place he was shot for him to be comfortable-- but the night nurses manage to keep him company when he can't sleep and they're all rather nice.

They push for answers sometimes, but he knows the staff is just curious-- they're not asking for malicious reasons. It's kind of a weird injury-- they say it looks like he got struck by lightning, Lichtenberg figures and all, but he hasn't shown any signs of it. He agreed to stay a couple of days just to be safe, but he figures that if nothing's shown at this point than it never will.

"When is everybody else coming to visit?" Jay asks once when he wakes up once more to Tim reading something in the plastic chair by the bed.

"They've been by, you're just always asleep."

 _Oh_.

He hadn't realized he'd been sleeping so much.

"They'll be at the apartment when you get out-- they're all making dinner or something like that," Tim shrugs.

Jay frowns. "Isn't dinner a lot? Who all is gonna be there?"

"Just us and the rest of the group who was in the woods"

"Oh," Jay says, "well what's it for?"

Tim gives him a blank look over the top of his glasses-- Jay hadn't even known Tim wore glasses until now-- and doesn't say anything.

"Seriously," Jay asks, "what's the occasion?"

"You," Tim sighs. "You're being discharged and we're all very happy for you."

 ** _Oh_**. 

It's a bit of a wild concept that people care about him, Jay thinks. He knows Alex cares and one some level he knows Tim cares too, but there's a difference in knowing and having it confirmed.

A nurse comes by to wheel Jay to the front office so he can fill out the rest of the forms which he does fairly easily.

Tim refuses help getting Jay in the car-- though Jay continues to insist he can walk himself, he doesn't really mind being fussed over right now-- but nods in thanks to the nurse who takes the wheelchair back into the hospital.

As much as Jay is sure they both want it, they can't just sit in the silence of the parking lot forever. Their friends are home waiting for them-- food and drinks and entertainment all ready to go.

"We were all worried, Jay," Tim says when they have to stop at a light. "You scared Sarah and me half to death.

"It wasn't on purpose," Jay laughs, "I'm sorry. I promise it won't happen again."

He ignores the way Tim's knuckles turn white as they grip the steering wheel. "It better not."

The voice, however, as silent as it's been the past few days seems to be in agreement.

 _(no more)_ it says _(you're free to rest now, child)_

It's an odd change of character, Jay thinks, pressing lightly against where the semi-invisible bullet wound used to be and feeling only a scar left over.

 _Will I see you again?_ he asks.

 _(hopefully not)_ the voice hums. _(sleep, you've done well. there are others i need to help now and your job here is done.)_

I don't think you were helping all that much.

_(i reminded you of what was at stake, you needed to fight for this, Jay Merrick, i helped far more than you realized)_

Somehow he still doubts that, but his eyes are growing heavier with each passing second and he knows he won't be able to stay awake much longer. 

Today is the first time Jay has finally felt _free_ , he just hopes it lasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the canon ending for this fic is that everybody lives happily ever after and jay and Tim get married later u know bc im a simple gay and also its likw almost midnight and ive been off my meds and i need something nice to happen for one before i have an Entire Breakdown so thats that on that
> 
> also abt the uh,. voie thing i genuinely cant remember what my original plans for either it or the gunshit were so theyre both juts kinda. reminders now ig for jay that Hey The Past Is A Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Timelines are hard. We're going with the "It's an au" excuse for any minor issues.
> 
> I have a tumblr! Find me at timothy-wright.tumblr.com


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